Lord lead me to Your path......

....let the wise listen and add to their learning,
          and let the discerning get guidance--
                                                                                          Proverbs 1:5

So, as we were sitting under the overcast sky, enjoying all God had planned for us that day, we were both sharing things that our amazing Father has been unfolding in our lives....I don't really remember who began the conversation but I know it's going to be a very big change for my relationship with my LORD.

Earlier in the year my friend had shared some great advice. She has been blessed with the gift of discernment, just like I have, only she is much farther along in her walk with our Savior. She has been through some of the trials & errors I've been stumbling through with this wonderful gift that allows us to see truths or deceptions according to His Word & what He shows us....in most situations. She had already learned to lift up the people who do not accept her insights, to avoid those conversations that God's love was not recognized, but instead caused lost friendships & that made others feel judged. He had walked her down His path for her.

Back to us & our visit. We got into a conversation about what I'm definitely feeling God is leading me to. But because of my flesh & the world's views, I doubt. I can't imagine Him choosing me to complete this task, as important as it is......me!?!?!  After all, I'm just a wife, mom & Nona......not at all able to do this???? I listen to her tell me about a retreat she's been going to for several years. She shares how much she's learned & received from all of them.....a complete Spiritual awakening.....as I explain what I'm feeling  God placing on my heart, and asking for her thoughts & advice, she's texting away. She says "I'm supposed to ask you...." to which my heart leaps forward, which I've finally learned, is God's way of showing this stubborn woman that this is the right answer, ding ding ding......good job. I tell her before she finishes "YES!!! This is where He's going to show me His plan....answer my doubts!!!" She says "hold on let me finish..." she tells me she is texting her friends to make sure there is room for me. She is finding out the costs...etc." Then she says "yep theres room!!" We prayed together, I could feel the peace set in.....

Now I'm floating on air, because I have an answer, on our way home. She tells me to pray about it, talk to my husband, pray about it, check finances, etc.....when I got home, I did just that. When I got the ok from the hubby, I checked the bank & God's provision was already in there. So, I text her & told her it was a yes....yes I would fly on an airplane?!?!?! then road trip with women I have never met...she's the only one I know. Yes I'm ready to step out of my comfort zone & let God show me the way, in a radical new way!!!

I've kept this prayer at the front of my prayers, since that day. God has shown me in many ways this is His will for me. I've cried & doubted & feared....the biggest fear I have, There's no turning back for me & God when I do this. I will know what He's been leading me to do....I will be asked & have to answer His calling to walk with Him....or walk in the world.

So, everywhere I turn I have been seeing lots of Scripture that keeps reassuring me that I'm on the right path!!

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.
                                                     Matthew 16:24 NLT

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
                                                     Romans 12:2 NLT

Well He's got me on the move....I'm soooooo excited, we leave on 8/7/13. I'll be experiencing so many firsts this trip. I know God's planning on growing me into the daughter He created me to be. He's stretching me with flying, a road trip with strangers, mostly & growing me to be more like Him during a radical Christian women's retreat which promises to be a spiritual enlightening like none I've ever experienced in a place I've never been to!!! We are flying to Texas, then driving to Florida......this is gonna be great fun & the beginning of a new season, one that will help trim away more of me & fill me with more of Him.

Growing closer & closer.....the path to less me, more Him.

So, lately my prayer over & over has been, "God please less me & more You. Please Clean my heart & mind of the trash from this world. Break my heart for what breaks Yours Father!!" I have been asking & asking my Father this for quite awhile. Lately however, I've been praying this with such intensity, it's been more like begging.

I've experienced a whole lot of what I'll call loss over the last several months. Really it's not the death of these people, or things, but for the moment they are being loved from a distance. God has, in some cases, ripped these people out of my life. That's mostly because I tend to keep those people & things I love, held tightly in the palm of my hand/heart. He starts out gently tugging, with His Word & Whispers in my ear. He's such a loving Father, doesn't desire to have to these changes be any harder than they need to be. But, just like my daddy here in this life, He loves me & wants me to be ALL I can, only for His glory instead of mine. He gives me a little at a time, only what He knows I can really handle. He doesn't want to hurt me, He simply wants me to have life abundantly & knows me better than anyone since He created me.

Even though I know this & that He's making me more & more like Him like I've been begging Him to do, it still is hard not to act like a spoiled princess instead of the princess I am as a child of the Most High King. I've been living like a spoiled rotten princess for most of my life & in some areas still struggle to be the daughter He created me to be. I know I'm growing, but like so many of us in this world, I'm wanting a quick, easy & painless fix. That's what we've learned from this world, more about me, less about everyone else. We can have it our way.

Every since I can remember, I've said "I was born late, I should've grown up in the 50's." Mostly because God was still "Politically Correct" then & the values & morals were more what I appreciate. I know, I know kind of an oxymoron. I know with all I am, that God doesn't make mistakes, we are all part of His perfect plan. In Jeremiah 1:5........“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”.....He explains to me, that He's had a plan that includes me & that He set me apart from those of this world & the evil ruler, Satan. The last line however, I've never really memorized......"I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." This really wasn't something I believed was His plan for me......can I just say this statement made me snicker joyously. Like I know what His plan for me is.

You see, this has been the issue with the losses. I've listened to the world's perspective on who, or how, or when to love. I couldn't imagine that the ones He was moving around, or taking out of my life, was what He wanted. I was lining up my answers to the world's views. That was my first mistake, I wasn't using God's Word as my center line. I didn't want to open my hands & give up these people I loved, I wanted to keep them so I didn't hurt their feelings or have to feel the pain of the loss. I found myself listening to others, both believers & non-believers, trying to hold them in my life, instead of listening to God & abiding in Him. Some of the believers told me "you must love them, Jesus tells us to love everyone", where that got confused in my mind is exactly what Satan wanted me to struggle against. Satan wants to take my focus of God, that's his scheme. He wants to cause us to sin, think we are unworthy & that we failed God, so why even try. But this is his lie, not God's promise.

The world tells us if we love someone, we want to be with them always, overlook all they do to us, agree with everything they do, say, are. THIS IS A LIE. God has recently shown me this is a lie. He's used so many wonderful people to share this message with me. I've learned that I'm not failing God  when I love them from where He places them, I am actually doing just as He has planned for me to. This has been a wonderful thing for me actually. I'm learning with each season, to listen to the Holy Spirit & for God's whispers.....quicker & quicker each time. Of course He's the Master Planner & He can see the whole plan, not just this moment.

This has come in a wonderful friend whom He's been moving around my life into different places & has now placed her right in front of my eyes. He spoke sooooo loudly through her recently. He is getting ready to grow me in a way I've never experienced. I'm very excited & I was also a little afraid.....a little in this case meant, all the way to tears in an instant, without any outside reason. I know He is going to SHAKE UP MY WORLD, I don't know what it will look like, I only know, it's gonna be growth like I've never known. I already have the excitement He gives me just before He does a little trimming of me.......trimming more of the fleshy, worldly me away & then He fills me up with more of Him, shapes me more like Him. I just never thought of myself as what I think He's shaping me towards this time!?!?!?

 

 

Last night I prayed like always, but this prayer was so much more than I usually ask for. This morning I found this picture. This is what I asked for last night. I felt the unmistakable urge to put my feelings into words again. So I started praying for Him to lead my heart to what I should share. I have so much going on in my life right now. Of course He is faithful in all areas of my life, He is interested in every detail of my life even the smallest detail. Today I found out  from a dear friend/sister in Christ, that she had just signed me up for a women's retreat that she goes to each time. She shared her experience at her first one, by the end of her amazing experience, she knew it was me He was telling her to invite. I could feel this too, the doubts about money, or having to leave my family for a week with just 2 weeks notice, that tried to distract me & cause me to doubt this is God's plan, were immediately wiped away by God's Truth & whispers. I have NO DOUBT this is where He's taking me to grow me, trim more of the world from me, make me more like Him.

 

After I realized He's taking me on  only the 3rd flight I've ever flown, to places I've never been, with women I've never met, or even ever talked to, the only one He's sending to share this experience He has for me & He's allowing me to share the experience He has for her, is this sister in Christ He's placed in my life......my friend, someone who has always lifted me up, lined up her responses with God's word, prayed for me & with me, someone He's spoken through at very important times, someone who has also been blessed with the gift of Discernment. The difference is she's farther on her walk, she's learned that this is not "her" gift, but a gift God uses for His glory through her to reach His children & share His message. This is exactly where I've struggled.

 

 

What He's got for me I don't know. I do know, whatever He teaches me, where ever He takes me, it'll always be to bring me closer to Him & make me more like Him......More than that, it'll bring glory to Him.

 

After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.

Acts 4:31

 

Find joy in the growth spurts.....

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
     before you were born I set you apart..."
                             Jeremiah 1:5 NIV



This verse has been one of several that have been showing up, over & over. Each time I see them, I look up & say I know that is You Lord, thank You!! I actually sent this verse to myself to remember it back on July 3....yes I do text myself, I actually have myself listed as "I'm a Child of God" so it's easy to start that name and have it pop up, since I'm not very technically savvy. But I'm old enough to forget things if I don't write them down, so this smartphone really is a blessing. I can even voice text, sometimes the auto correct thing, or word guess choices are hysterical. I've sent some of those texts with out reading them, and well I'm sure you understand. Speaking of losing focus, sorry. I'm sharing this though because it's reminding me of the signs of losing focus. I know that I never say never, but I pray that if I ever lose focus again, I remember as quickly as I am now to revert my  focus back to Him.

One of the biggest areas I'd lost total focus in was relationships. Not my marriage, or even my children, I learned about losing focus in those areas already. Really it was family, friends, or friends family that I was letting steal my focus. I found myself with pretty much my local immediate family, or just me. That was hard, one of the hardest times in my life was realizing I had to step back from a relationship with several very important people in my life. Well what I consider important, see what I consider important is exactly what God's been speaking to me about for quite awhile....I've just been stubborn & unwilling to let go, or let God. He didn't create space between me & these people I love to hurt either me or them. He is working on each of us in His time. His plan is moving us each forward in different directions, or we are standing still & trying to do life in "our" way.

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the Word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself.                 
                          John 15:2-4 NIV

Another verse I've been seeing in my daily routine is this one. It is an eye opener for me recently. I've been literally telling myself, "no pain, no gain" which is my way of keeping my focus on Him instead of the pruning going on in my life. I had lost sight of what kind of fruit the relationships in my life were bearing. I hadn't been focusing on Him & letting Him cut off the branches that weren't bearing good fruit in my life. I was focusing on the drama those relationships were stirring up both in my heart & mind. I was the enemy's pawn & didn't even realize it. I thought I was helping, or living to love those people...I had no idea as God tenderly tried several times to get me to let go, I was holding on tighter & tighter.....I was actually feeding into the enemy's plan perfectly trying to do things on my own. With each relationship He cut off, it became easier to give it to Him & each time I handed them over quicker....I finally am learning to remain in Him. I've found remaining in Him, there is always peace, love, hope & truth. He knows all, He has been planning all since before creation......Who better to remain in, right.....of course yes is the easy answer usually, but not in this case. The truth is without Him I can do nothing!!! When I remain in Him, He is in control not me & He sees the whole plan, not just this one part. It never ceases to amaze me how relieved I am each time I run back to Him & He accepts me with open arms, no matter how long it's been, or what I've done. Can you think of one person on this earth who has this capacity of mercy, or grace??? I have to be honest & say I cant. So for me remaining in Him is exactly where I want to be.

The heart is deceitful above all thing and beyond cure.
  Who can understand it?
                                       Jeremiah 17:9

So, this past Sunday at service the Pastor asked us 2 questions. How's your heart? How's your heart with God?? Then he shared a message that spoke loudly to my heart. I've struggled for a few years with the pruning process. I trust God, I honestly do. I'm still made of flesh & bone however. So it hurts when someone who you are so involved with is suddenly, or slowly removed from your life. Our hearts tell us to hold on, we can't let go. It's like when you plan something, work so hard at planning it, getting it ready, doing it all, then the day comes for it to all take place & it seems to fly by.....then there's nothing when it's over. Or it's almost like giving up an addiction if there's a lot to focus on with them, for them, on them....like drama, or excitement, or even because it's better than focusing on ourselves. But God clearly tells us not to put anyone above Him, or to take our eyes off Him. He tells us to remain in Him. That doesn't mean when there's nothing else to do. That means ALWAYS. So, if I'm praying to Him & asking Him to remove anything that isn't bringing Him glory, or I pray that He will create in me a clean Spirit & break my heart for what breaks His. I'm asking Him to prune me & my life. I'm asking Him to chisel away at the things keeping me from focusing on Him. I'm praying for less me, more Him, He's gonna remove all the distractions & chisel at my attention span, to keep my focus on Him & His plan instead of the drama in this world.

I can say honestly today. That I'm finding joy in the chiseling, after losing my focus. He's growing me to be more & more like Him......my Creator. So find joy in the "growth spurts" & don't feed into the enemy's lie, "you can fix it." Our hearts are always deceitful, there is NO cure. If we follow our hearts, we will be led farther away from God.

Let God lead me again....

Wow, seems like forever since I've actually taken the time to sit down & put my thoughts & feelings to words.....I've actually been under a major attack from the enemy for quite a bit. At first I was doing pretty good at just taking all the hurtful attacks & just lay them at the foot of the Cross. But the day came when I started fighting back on my own....mistake.

Seems like when we take our problems into our own flesh hands, we fail. It may take a minute, hour, day, a year or even more, but eventually we WILL fail. God created us to need Him, in ALL areas of our lives. He created us to have to have Him in EVERY area of our lives...from birth to death, we will never be fulfilled until we realize we were created by Him for Him.


This is not news to me. I've known & understood this for a few years now. I was flowing right along just abiding within Him for quite awhile, no doubts, no lack of faith, just total belief & love. The Bible says in...         

1 Peter 5:8 ESV          

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

I recognize that creeps attacks from a mile away, usually. But what about when you're under attack & from another part of your life comes another attack, then another????? What do you do then???? Do NOT do what I did. I let him trick me into falling for his lies.

I believe that he uses things from our past to try to lure us into taking our eyes off of God & then attacks those areas that are exposed from EVERY angle. He can't read our minds, so he has to rely on our history & what he hears, or sees. With me he found an opening in areas he attacks regularly. For years he used the same old trick, and for years I fell for it....but then God showed me how I could just focus on Him & let Him take care of all my life....ALL of it. I'm not sure what has given him the opportunity this time, I wouldn't write it down even if I did.

So, today & actually for the last few days God has been trying to get my attention back, but I ignored Him. That is until today. He shared these Verses with me about my dilemma's & showed me EXACTLY what He meant at this moment through these Words for my situation....

Philippians 3:13-14 (ESV)

 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,  I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Then He followed those beautiful Truths with these.....

Colossians 2:8(ESV)  See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.

 

Oh my did those open my eyes......& these were just a couple of the many He led me to!! I believe He was showing me He will take care of it, I just need to put my eyes back on Him & give Him the problems that I was holding on soooo tightly to. I now realize that I can't fix my past, I can only learn from it & move on.

 

So, I'm ready again to let go....let God's peace envelope me & God lead me again.

 

  

My Faith & me are intertwined....because I believe.

I hear these people asking me
How do I know what I believe
Well, I'm not the same me, and that's all the proof I need
I felt love, I felt Your grace
You stole my heart that day
These are someof the lyrics to "All this time" sung by Britt Nicole

 

 

Faith & Believe.....


To me they are intertwined....they each exist within each other & because of each other. It's like me, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I believe that God sent His only Son to save me, because the Bible tells me He did, and I have faith that the Bible is God's living breathing Word. It's alive & active.....it helps me build my relationship with God & in the process teaches me about Him.....His Word is a lamp on my path....

Until about 8 years ago I didn't really have a relationship with my Savior, I pretty much lived for me.....lived in the world. Behaved like the world, didn't think much about God at all. Then we hit bottom....yes the same old story, no where else to turn. Lots of us find Him this way.....it's ok, it's really ok, God meets us right where we're at....way down at the bottom of the slimy pit...it makes no difference to our Amazing Lord! I know this is a fact, He found me!!

I used to feel a wonderful feeling when I would hear about God, or someone would share His Word, but since I was in the world, I thought it was unimportant. I used to say "life doesn't come with a manual".....but it does. I have learned this more & more as I've accepted the FREE gift of Salvation in Christ!! It's the Bible. It teaches me what He expects of me, has for me & if I will just be still, & believe, He will always fight for me. It's teaching me that if I lay myself, life, sins, problems, worries, EVERYTHING, at His feet, I have His peace, a peace UNLIKE any in this world. 

Now, I have doubters. I have people who think I'm nuts, out there....just outright  unbelievable. God tells us in....

1 Corinthians 1:18

 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

 

 

I pray for my doubters. I really pray that they will see God in me. I want everyone I know & don't know to have eternal life, not eternal hell. I simply believe because I have seen what God's doing in my life, family, home  & marriage.....He is moving mightily in these areas, constantly. He is our provision, He is our Wonderful Councelor, He's my EVERYTHING. In His Word I have learned that God is always in me, He'll guide me if I listen. He has many many times in my life. I've seen miracles, I know He can do all.

 

I believe with ALL my heart, soul & mind, that God's Word, the Bible, is real. When I'm sitting there trying to explain to someone how much God's done & doing for me. How I don't have to worry about anything, that He's moved mountains in our family since we have begun to pray & believe. If my life isn't enough proof, I understand. God clearly states it in.....

 

John 20:30-31

Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book.  But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.

 

 

So, since accepting the FREE GIFT of Salvation......He's been growing my faith, perseverence, & in the process I have found I really believe.  Believe in God, His Word, that I am Saved......

 

My faith & me are intertwined....because I believe....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am more like my Savior......less like the world.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1 NIV

So this morning, I was awakened very early....not even 7 am. That is sooo early for me, especially when I'm the only one in a house filled to capacity that is awake. I got on my phone, had a message. It was the message I had been waiting to get. Once again, it was not was I was hoping for. It never is with this person. I know you'd think I could get it through my thick skull that this person, no matter how hard they try, can not see outside themself......which is hard for me. I think it's soooo hard because I love this person. I've tried most of life to please this person....wanted more than anything to be accepted & REALLY loved by her..........but she can't see past herself, she can't look to me & see that I am hurt, or I have any reason to hurt. Really hurt.

So, I answered this message sooooooo many times, in sooooo many ways. I let the old me answer, I let the hurt me answer, I let every part of me answer the words that were thrown at me......hurled at me......with such care these words were typed....on both sides. The difference is only one.....I didn't send mine.

I let God lead me.....He led me with this one verse. His inspiration to love. Love without words. Lately, I seem to have taken this one verse not to heart. I didn't learn to live & love the way God wants us to growing up. I learned how to hurt with my words, not love with them. This, God is teaching me. It's taking Him a while, cuz I'm stubborn. But if I let myself go....if I truly listen to His stirrings in my heart & mind, He always brings me back to REAL reality....that it doesn't matter who loves me, He always loves me. That people, no matter who they are in your life, will hurt me. It's because they are people.....we all fall short.

So, I have been up, listening to music.....the words opening my heart back up....reminding me who I am in Him, reminding me He's been walking right beside me always......music is such a way for me to calm, excite, lift myself up to God....I'm free in music. Pretty much anything I can think of can be found in at least one song....God knows me sooooo very well. He knows to calm His daughter, He simply needs to remind me I have headphones & music on my laptop, or phone....then I can lift praise to Him which brings me the most joy....EVER!!

So, after taking several attempts at answering this message.....I give into my Father & delete the final answer. I instead decide to hear His Word, His instruction, His Truth that reminds me I am redeemed, because He loved me so much He sent His only Son to die for my sins.....the times I didn't listen to His urging & everything I have chosen over Him. He asks only that we accept this Truth......and love one another.


I will not live according to the voice of my past, not hers, not mine, not anyone who isn't my Savior. Only His opinion matters, I don't have to answer to anyone else EVER. So my biggest desire is to live less me, more Him. In this one choice to delete the hateful, angry, pain filled replies I typed this morning, I am more like my Savior.......less like the world.


                                                                                       

How can I point anyone in God's direction, if I'm not pointing there myself????

This I was going to write yesterday. I just got too busy, then too tired. So here it is today. I have shared that one of the gifts God blessed me with is discernment. To me this means I recognize when God's speaking to me, showing me, or giving me insight into other's situations. Also mine, when I don't ignore Him cuz it's uncomfortable for me.....well I ALWAYS give in & listen, just maybe not act accordingly.

Recently, a very inspiring, loving, giving, God loving friend of mine, shared her main gift is discernment. She told me directly, this can be a very lonely road....which is very true for me so far. The next day however she shared with me what she's learned about the gift of discernment....."when God shares something with you, it isn't always to open your mouth and spout it out, some times we are to simply lift this info back up to Him in prayer".....this bit of info FLOORED me!!! I felt as though I immediately understood & it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.....yes this is it. The answer to my prayer to Him, what????why????who????how????? It was glorious, truly I felt sooooo good!!


I am learning to accept what God puts in my path. I don't always accept it in a good sport kinda way, but I accept it........and know it's for a reason, and that reason is usually to bring someone closer to Him, or answer someone's prayer, or to remind me of Who's in control. Recently our home has become filled to capacity. Let me explain something that might make this more descriptive & understanding to you. We live in a 4 bedroom home. We got this bigger home because Little girl & my Princess had moved back home & we needed the room. Then Little girl decided to try another shot at making her relationship with my Princess's daddy, let's call him.......Lost boy. So they moved out & back in with Lost boy & his family. So for several months we waited to do anything with the 2 extra rooms upstairs, just in case they came home. Finally after many months, we let Jr have Little girls old room, made Jr's old room a guest room. Then with my Princess's room I created a comfy office for our home. Now while we were taking care of this, Sweet Hubby decided to finally put his man cave/game room together. So, up his pool table went, he hung shelves, and put his man stuff up on them. He really put his all into making a space for him & his friends to hang, if they came over. But honestly, all those rooms sat vacant, except for Jr's.

Then I got a message from my Sis, saying that she was coming to AZ, she & her hubby had, had a physical fight, and she was taking her 2 kids & anything she could grab & fit in her tiny car & leaving. I asked where to, she said staying with a friend. But those plans fell through, which left her & her kids homeless.......yes Lord, I hear You. So after speaking with Sweet Hubby, we offered for her & the kids to stay with us. We did after all have a couple of empty rooms. Now, her children do not know me & my family from Jack & Jill down the street. We've only met them a handful of times in their lives. In fact, due to an insecure mom, we really didn't know each other either. So, here we are all getting to know each other, live under one roof & keep the peace.....it works somehow.

But a couple of weeks after Sis coming from New York, Little girl decides she just can't take living at Lost boy & all that entails. So home come her & my Princess........which brought both joy & uh oh to my heart. We moved some around & now Little Girl & my Princess have moved back into my Princess's room, Sis & her kids are in the guest room & Jr is in his room. Our home is filled to capacity.

Now, since we have 3 different families, with 3 different ways of living in one home......yes I have gotten stressed at times. As everyone else has too. But the last week or so, I've let the enemy get in there & steal my joy. The joy I get when serving my Heavenly Father. It's brought up all my old favorite sins, gossip, anger, frustration, and making mountains out of molehills. I could hear my Father saying to me "keep abiding in Me, I have your peace, I have the answers, I have a plan", but I was not hearing it. I was wrapped up in the worldliness that is so easy to fall back into, if we don't let God keep a tight hold on us. When searching for the Scripture I wanted to share today, I searched "serving God joyfully" the Scripture was just what He wanted to say to me, for me to share with you & keep in my heart during this amazing chance to serve Him & be a beacon pointing to Him for happiness, peace, unconditional love. Here goes.....

1 Peter 4:9-11

New International Version (NIV)

 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.  Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.


So, have I been serving God???? Have I served Him with the joy He alone gives while serving??? Or have I said yes to Him, then turned & let the selfishness of pride, boast about helping others????

Well, He clearly pointed out to me that I wasn't serving Him, but the enemy. I was letting all the tiny frustrations, grow into huge angers, then shoving the angers down........then He shared a truth with me. If I continued to shove the tiny frustrations down, the anger was going to blow....and that family I've been longing for, well they'd walk away, not only from me.......but from the One Who brought them to me to serve in the first place, God. He didn't only bring them here for me, He brought them here for me to serve, to be His light in their worlds of darkness...show His joy in sadness, I'm the one receiving a second chance here. At this moment, I choose to share my feelings with them, not at them, blame them, just share what does frustrate me. Share that we were used to a routine, that only included.... Sweet Hubby, Jr & me......we were spoiled by the quiet, being able to take off & enjoy the day, just kicking back & watching tv together.......but they are not in the way, they aren't a pain, they aren't too much to deal with....in fact it's the opposite. They are a joy, they are family, they are a gift from God.

So, on the way home yesterday, I heard it.....my Father's calm voice reminding me that I'm not serving them alone, but I'm serving Him. I'm being His hands & feet......He's working through this simple woman.....a woman who seeks to do His will......Always....I'm not however serving Him, if I'm grumbling about it.....I may as well not be serving, because it's worse to serve Him while complaining about it.....right!

 They don't know Him, won't know Him, can't know Him, if I don't be the woman God's molding me to be, more like Him. If I don't live as He is teaching me, step by step, how will they see that it can be done????

So, How can I point anyone in God's direction, if I'm not pointing there myself???

Rules???? Those don't apply to me & my family....Or do they??

I am a mom of 4 children. I have raised 3 & I was blessed with finding Sweet Hubby's daughter, big girl in the last several years. So I know a thing or 2 about just how far all kids like to push the boundaries. Mine, seem like they lived on the edge of right & wrong. I could've sworn they enjoyed being punished?!

This brings me to today's subject, it should have been written last night, but I went to bed with a major sinus headache. The subject is this.....Rules??? Which ones do we follow, others follow, or which ones can we just leave for others to follow????


Yesterday afternoon, I was blessed beyond measure with a gift of picking up Sweet Hubby from work, to return something.....ALONE, yes just me driving the hour to pick him up.......ahhhh, that's all I can think about is the calm I was blessed with to enjoy time singing worship to God, out of tune, but belting it out. After returning his item, we headed off to a home improvement store to pick up a couple of "things" Sweet Hubby needed. While we were walking down every aisle to get those "things" we hear the soft, calm, pleasing voice of a woman reciting "rules" for EVERYONE shopping in their store. The rules seem pretty common sense to me, after all we ARE in a store who keeps extra stock, stacked pretty high, so it's a safety issue thing. As a mom I hear the usual requests for parents who've brought their children.......keep you children with you at all times, don't let them run in the store, be watchful of the items they are handling.....just common sense for ANY parent, Right??!!
Then the sweet voice clearly states a "rule" that was almost funny to me, in fact I say to Sweet Hubby, who has now caught up with me.....or me with him, whichever, I ask him "who do you think that wouldn't know that??? You'd think that'd be a given, common sense even for the kids!!!!" he mumbles something about "you'd think......"

You'd think.......but just after the announcement "no rollerblading, skating, skateboarding, or using the wheels on the shoe skates" had been made, wwwhhooooshhhh goes a young man, right across the aisle in front of us, with those shoes with the wheels, wheels out & he's at top speed!! I look at my Sweet Hubby & he looks at me........of course I'm still a work in progress, this is I'm sure, pretty evident to you by now, if you've read my blogs.....so I say "I guess that rule doesn't apply to him. Who lets their children do something sooooo dangerous??" About that time, the mother & her younger child come walking across the aisle in front of us.......her I guess is what I thought.

So, in my life, I really feel like the LORD above is doing some major reconstruction on me & who I am lately. I also recognize that the enemy is in full play trying to keep my focus off of God. I feel like if I can't follow some simple rules, for my safety, at a store, how can I follow His Laws, which are for my eternal life? Rules that don't interfere with God's Law, are rules which God expects us to follow. I found this passage of Scriptures this morning while I was in prayer, about this blog. I think it explains God's point on the subject of breaking rules, sin.

Romans 2:12-16

New International Version (NIV)

 All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law.  For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.  (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law.  They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them.)  This will take place on the day when God judges people’s secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.

Now, I don't really have a Message Bible, though sometimes I do search my Verses on a popular Bible website, in the Message version as well to see what it says. I think in this situation, it kinda explained it in details I understood completely.....perfectly.

Romans 2:12-16

The Message (MSG)

^12-13 If you sin without knowing what you’re doing, God takes that into account. But if you sin knowing full well what you’re doing, that’s a different story entirely. Merely hearing God’s law is a waste of your time if you don’t do what he commands. Doing, not hearing, is what makes the difference with God.
^14-16 When outsiders who have never heard of God’s law follow it more or less by instinct, they confirm its truth by their obedience. They show that God’s law is not something alien, imposed on us from without, but woven into the very fabric of our creation. There is something deep within them that echoes God’s yes and no, right and wrong. Their response to God’s yes and no will become public knowledge on the day God makes his final decision about every man and woman. The Message from God that I proclaim through Jesus Christ takes into account all these differences.

It basically tells me what I already knew, God meets us where we are, even when we don't know it is God. But it goes deeper, saying that God put the instinct to obey "rules" in us.....we are the ones who make the choice to either listen, or not to listen. Some people think that "rules" aren't meant for them, or their kids....so they ignore that instinct, to fulfill a worldly life.

So, are you a law keeper???? Or do you think.......

Rules??? Those don't apply to me & my family......Or do they??

I cast my cares upon You LORD........trusting Your plan, who loves me more than You Father......???

So tonight I'm soooooo excited. Tomorrow Sweet Hubby, Jr & I head up North, one of my closest, dearest bff's oldest son is graduating....we couldn't make it to the actual graduation, Sweet Hubby is already off for a 4 day weekend so we couldn't take off another day. Which matters none to me, I'm grateful to be getting out & about......the reason makes it even more exciting to me.

This bff & I have known each other for soooo many years, I just dont want to count back that far, feel to old if I do...hahaha. She has been there for me, so much I just couldn't even share all the times, or reasons. She's known me since before I was a believer. The most amazing thing about this woman, is her ability to love. She hasn't ever judged me, she's never said.......You're un-anything. She's always stood by me, she's always been a very good friend. I love this woman, like a sister, in fact I consider her my sister.

So, I'm feeling all the blessings of the LORD above tonight for sure. Funny thing is, I was pretty sure since the end of last week that I wasn't going to get to go, because of how sick I've been. Well that is a great excuse, if I was honest, which of course I will be, it's really been my lack of focus, and everything else.....I was definately in the middle of the enemy's plan for me....he loves to use the 3 D's against us....first he distracts us, then while we're distracted, he tries to divide us, usually our family's then our brothers & sister's in Christ......then while our focus is distracted & the division is starting to set in, he moves in for the kill with trying to destroy us....our faith, our relationship with God....he hates us & any little bit he can take us away from God's plan for us, makes him very happy......

The only thing is, as a believer, a follower of my Savior, Jesus Christ, all I have to have is a little hope, a little faith, trust God the size of a mustard seed!!! So, if we cast it all on God, He will take care of it all. We simply need to believe......push aside the doubt that the enemy is pushing on us. I have strength when I abide in Christ, that will never change.........I simply need to abide. Give God control of every part of our lives....my life Verses are.......

Jeremiah 29:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.


So, how simple is this??? Seek Him & He will share His plans to prosper & not harm us, & to give us hope & a future.....wow, I'll take that. All I need to do is call on Him, pray to Him, & seek Him with ALL my heart.....not the parts I want to, but ALL the parts of not only my heart, but Me.....SIMPLE.


Today I had a shock, a surprise that made me cry......it cracked my heart a little more. But God reminded me that not only does He have plans for me......but if ANYONE, ANYONE, ANYONE seeks Him, He has a plan to prosper them, and give them hope & a future.....so I took this pain to Him. Gave it to Him......prayed for them, love & blessings......I know that both of these people I have been inspired by are believers.....they are also made of flesh......prone to worldly sin. But I know they seek Him & I know that He's working very mightily in their lives right at this moment.....I believe.

God has made a few changes in my life, and like everyone else, I dislike change. It's usually associated with some sort of pain......no pain, no gain, right??? Well, when He carries me to something, He never takes me where His Grace wont cover me, He always gives me a way out.....and He is my strength.

So, I cast my cares upon You LORD.....trusting Your plan, who loves me more than You, Father.....????



 

 

 

 

 

Happy Memorial Weekend 2013....thanks to all the ones who gave ALL......and their families.

Faith, it makes things possible.....Not easy

I've had this darn sinus infection & that along with this wind, has my asthma completely out of control. So if that was all I was dealing with, I could probably keep strolling along with my complete Faith intact, a sicky smile on my face & my eyes, as I always pray for, on God alone.....But this is life, we were never promised it would be easy, in fact we're warned it's going to be one trial after another, if we choose to pick up our cross & follow Christ, take Him as our Savior......our peace is promised in God, He is our peace.......


Well the whole truth is, it's not even just the illness, it's the medicine I'm taking to be able to take a breath.....an inhaled steroid.....yep the roid rage.....not only is it like an uncontrollable monster mouth inside you, the bloating, the continuous hunger, but it is like the perfect spot for the enemy to get a toehold....if you take your eyes of God & allow the enemy to grab your attention, even for a moment.....God's Word tells us in,

1 Peter 5:7-9

New International Version (NIV)

 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

So, I don't know why each of the last several trials the enemy has placed in my path, has caused a hiccup & even if only for a moment, I stumbled. Yes, I , the self proclaimed woman of Faith, Redeemed by the Blood of my Savior & full in the Knowledge that all I need to do is abide in Christ & His peace carries me along...stumbled pretty hard for the last couple of weeks....not only one moment after another, but one day after another. I'm falling all over the place, it's very apparent I not focusing on my Heavenly Father. I've let myself get so self consumed, all the work He's been doing taking the me out of my heart & replacing it with Him, well it's not ruined, but only because He can't fail, if it was done on my weak accord, it would have crumbled. I was really starting to think this.....then once again He opened my eyes to see, that He is good all the time.


Over the last few years He's been trying to lead me down a path of letting Him take some people of my life. I have fought this with EVERY part of my people pleasing heart, worried about what other people thought, both believers & non believers, instead of trusting His plan for my life, or possibly theirs??!! I have been stubborn all my life, that may be an understatement, yes it is an understatement. I've lived for my flesh & strived to be right, always win, never give up the last word.....until He took one of the most important people out of my life, my mother.

She & I have never really gotten along, never. Well never that is unless I just kept my mouth shut & did as she expected me too. I've always thought I would do anything to make her proud, ANYTHING.....almost anything, never her requests to have abortions with each of my children, but to hear her say she was proud of me, I would have done alot. But still she is my only mom, and the only one of my parents left, well actually our orginal family of 4, since my Daddy passed away suddenly in 1997 & my only biological sibling, Brenda, shot herself, it was quite a difficult journey. He had to finally just work it to where she moved, in such a way that I was finally hurt enough that I understood. Surrender, true surrender brings peace, His peace.

I've learned to recognize Him moving the "furniture/people" around in my life....a WHOLE lot quicker. I was getting in His Word, following where ever He led me, did whatever I recognized His fruit within.....I was abiding in Christ....I was under His umbrella of strength, peace, & real love. Yes you read that right, I said , "I was....". I've been letting my focus be shifted, by the one I strive to keep behind my back.

That isn't the last of it Praise God, He is faithful, He is good, He is love.....He brought me out of it tonight with a shocking text on my phone. "Your mom" is trying to add you. You have 11 friends in common. To add, reply Add......I felt the same, I was shocked, but I felt the forgiveness instantly. Again, I felt God Himself say to me, "you've already forgiven her. what's your choice, keep filling up with me, or let the same old pain, drama & issues take the place of this wisdom I have for you?" "be still, I AM GOD, I AM IN CONTROL, keep your eyes on Me My child"........Not yet.

He's still working on this area of my heart, He's still teaching me the same thing.......less me, more Him.

Faith, it makes things possible......Not easy

shhhhhhhh......PRAY instead of speaking...

Matthew 12:3 (ESV)                                                                                               for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

 

So, I've been very sick the last couple of days.....my asthma has been uncontrollable & steroids in my nebulizer is finally opening me up.....but the side effect of steroids, is the roid rage...uncontrollable angry outbursts. It's like you're not in your body, you're watching from inside as this monster mean girl is in control of you mouth, and actions.....for me, ugghh.

The ones who mostly suffer this wrath is my family, yep the ones I love the most. As of today, there is more here in our home. We are thrilled to have the opportunity to get the chance to build a strong relationship with my sister, and her kids, who came out from New York. We know this is a God thing, cuz we just happen to have 2 bedrooms open upstairs & I know He's bringing us together now, because we've never had the opportunity to get to know each other, our estranged mom always seemed to be in the middle of us and gossip was our best pastime together. But this year she moved 1200 miles away, and He brought my sister here. She's very outspoken, just like me & my other sister. She's about 18 years younger than me and she's just left an abusive marriage.

Also today brought our little girl & my princess back home. They are stepping back in & getting it together here....so like mother like daughter she's very outspoken as well. So, I'm sure you're getting the picture. We all have the same genetic quality, speak before you think. Now we have all grown since being around each other, and I know that God is moving mightily in my home right now. He's definately got a great plan for these young moms & their amazing kids. I know somehow He will be using any of the 3 of us, or all/part of the 3 of us......I'm just doing my best to be still. I guess being sick has helped that.

I believe that sharing the truth with someone is awesome, if it's done within God's grace & mercy, and is His will, not ours. We run into the problem when we start to think we know better than Him what they need to hear. I have shared my main gift is Discernment, the problem I've run into with friends, family & just people I speak with, is that I am like a child with a stick of TNT. I have had no idea how to use this amazing gift He gave me....until lately. I have met someone else who truly has the same gift, true discernment.

Now she's a whole lot wiser, and learned a whole lot more already than I have. She recently shared a truth that both sank my heart & had it leaping for joy!! "God points out the truths, about these people not so we can spew it back at them, but so we can lift them right back up to Him, in prayer. If we speak this truth God shares with us, before we know what He's doing with it, the enemy can get ahold of it & use it".......WOWZERS!!!  All this time, I got these truths, they would hit me in the middle of conversations, anywhere.....I was blurting them out, I was losing people from my life left & right!?!? Praise the Lord, I had heard His message loud & clear, finally!!!

So, I know sometimes it can be easy to point our finger at someone & spew out what you believe to be truth.....but really, be still before you speak, listen for God's guidance, stop trying to do it yourself, remember this person doesn't know what God's telling you, may not even realize that this is an issue for them, so tread lightly.....don't slam them with it. Maybe God doesn't even have a plan for you to talk to the person about it at all. He's just wanting you to lift them in prayer.........

 

An open apology to little girl.......and my princess...spare the rod, spoil the child???

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.        Psalm 139:13-14

Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
 Proverbs 22:6

Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
Proverbs 13:24


Mother's day weekend came & went for 2013, with a very important message from my Father, via my little girl.....but I tried to put a spin on it for my own desires. Little girl came and stayed a few nights with me this past week, leading up to my princess's birthday party & Mother's day. That was wonderful, it has been awhile for since we've had some time to just hang, and we got some of that!!

During our visit on Mother's day, we had the pleasure of having my little girl visit, along with her little girl, my princess. She is 2 now & she's definately in a terrible stage. Little girl is stressed out of course, just like every other mom & dad of a 2 year old. It's been difficult for this Nona to keep my big mouth shut, when it comes to her discipline techniques. She's only in her very early 20's, patience with a 2 year old, is a long way off. Right now she's just praying to make it through these fits of screaming!! Little girl has been diagnosed with fibromalgia this winter. She struggles with IBS, migraines that put her down for the count, and with ignorance of those who either dont believe in fibro, or think she's just too young to have this diagnosis. I give it to God, not only does she know her pain & struggles, but He has known about them since before she was thought of, since the beginning of time. So, my thought is, give it to her Creator, the One Who knit her together in side of me. But, these struggles do get in the way of her everyday life, and they cause her added stress.

But, I have never seen her abuse my princess, she's strict, like I was. My thoughts as I parent are always along the lines of these....teach them to serve others, before themselves....teach them manners, old school real manners, not the pretend to the outside world's face manners of soooo many kids today...I taught them that when you are employed by someone, you work to earn the money they are giving you, not to expect something for nothing like the ways of the world....I taught them to fight for the underdog...be slow to anger, and slow to speak, because they can't get a word in, until I'm done.....I taught them to help whoever they can, whenever they can. Sooooo many things, I learned from my dad, some from my mom, mostly what I learned from her, since I can remember anyways, is it's all about her. Since having our youngest, Jr, I have this new patience, a patience that comes with age, wisdom & eventually God. So little girl & Sr think I spoil Jr., they don't understand, that with each of them, since they are at least 7 years apart, I was a different mom with each of them, depending on my stage in life. Just like Sr says, little girl is spoiled, she got away with everything...and little girl says the same about Jr....and now Jr says the same thing about the grandkids.......But my values & character expectations haven't changed....just my level of patience & my reactions to the fits.

Little girl is a good mommy, she gives my princess a warning, then if my princess doesn't stop, start, or put it back, etc...she gets whatever punishment that little girl deems appropriate for the disobedience. She's not overly harsh, overly powerful in her spankings, she doesn't let the anger get the best of her & hit out of anger!! She simply gives a cause for the discipline, then disciplines, then gives the cause again, and asks if she understands.....of course my princess will cry with a broken heart and run to Nona & yell Nona all the way to me....."Nona help me" over and over....I'm Nona, she's my princess.....this kills me everytime. So I suggest an alternative to corporal punishment, and offer up time outs.....offer to buy the chair, keep one here too, but little girl flatly refuses and tells me "no I'm her mother, and I choose the discipline plan, not you".....so I try to protest & keep explaining that now that I'm older I now understand that time outs work amazing....no she says & then refuses to talk about it. So I back off.

Then last night, today & tonight.....God shares His msg for this post. I think, oh no really, admit I'm wrong in public, where everyone who cares to read my blog will know I'm still stumbling, over & over....but as a Scripture comes & I share it, God reaches out & grabs my focus......research my parenting commands.....how I knit you, how sparing the rod, will spoil the child, and how this is His command. So I did apologize for only seeing the Nona's heart side, not her mommy's heart side. Her desire to bring her up the way God commands us to, entrusts us to.

So, little girl, I apologize for not speaking advice that lines up with God's Word, that is my heart always....you are an amazing mommy, you inspire me to love more, show my love to those I love more openly, more frequently. Your heart to help others, love others & teach my princess, is such a gift!!! I love you my girlfriend, always here for you, never over crowded for you, always have ears to listen & a Bible to share.....praying for you & trusting God's plan for you sweet little girl!!

This Nona knows her boundaries, spare the rod, spoil the child.....