What is "ALL in" to you??

So, my Daddy's been working on giving this message to me, to share with you. The message has been shared bit by bit, piece by piece until the wonderful night, tonight, that He is sharing the final part that will of course bring it all together for me....and I hope y'all too. My Daddy loves me so much & He doesn't want me to doubt that one bit. I am His beloved daughter & I could never do anything to make Him stop loving me...but that's not like people. People will stop loving you if you step over that one boundary. The one that makes them take a step back. I've experienced this on many occasions in my life, both before I began walking in a relationship with Christ & after. We are ALL people.

At first I would do anything I could to try to get them back. I couldn't take it if someone didn't like me. I can't remember a time when I was growing up that I wasn't trying to get my moms approval, or a friends, or even a boys. I just knew it would make me whole. I looked at all the cool kids & wished I fit in...I didn't. Throughout my 20's & 30's I did the same thing. I just never found where I fit in. Then God brought us Sweet hubby & finally I knew He created him just for me. I never did however stop being a people pleaser, this started a habit of me taking in strays. Both people & animals. Before long we lost everything, we hit bottom & found Daddy at the bottom at our first church. The more we went to church & learned about Christ & walking with Him, the more I wanted to know. I was filled with questions. When I believe, I believe there is no doubt. I still struggled with people who had known me before I found my Best Friend Forever, my Daddy God. People were waiting for me to just give up on Jesus when we struggled & went through trials. Almost actually saying, "what about God, where's He, why isn't He helping??"

There were times through the years that we didn't go to church, but I NEVER left Christ's church. I still walked with Him, still learned about Him, still asked questions....did everything except go to a building. Still we always make it to a church to have fellowship with fellow believers when God places it on our hearts. So, during one of our church's sermon series the Pastor talked about going "ALL in" even getting poker chips that said "ALL in" on them. I loved this chip. It is a great reminder that a relationship with Him is ALWAYS "ALL in."                                                                                                                                                                         I actually had forgotten I had it until I was cleaning out my wallet to go to the last women's retreat in Georgia. As soon as I saw it my heart literally jumped for joy. I love this chip. I placed it in the front part of my wallet where I see it quite often, every time I open my wallet, in the clear plastic pocket. The reason I wanted to share this is because it directly relates to the message He has for us.

This last few weeks, I've talked to several people, of different ages, about "acting this way around other believers" & "different around "non-believers." For instance talk about God to people who believe, but don't make the "non-believers" uncomfortable by talking about Him. Really, really????

For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him the Son of Man also will be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.
                                                                                  Mark 8:38 NJKV


I don't know about you but to me this isn't what Jesus asks us to do when we begin a relationship with Him. When I first started my relationship with Him, I didn't know how to share with others. I fumbled & stumbled my way through by just being honest about my beliefs. Even though I could share my testimony with other believers, it was very difficult for me to share it with people that I didn't know, or people that I did that didn't have a relationship with Christ. I would let the enemy distract me with his lies about being laughed at & made fun of, or told off, or even just ignored completely. I made the choice to be distracted, I can't blame that on the enemy. As I'm getting farther & farther into this relationship with my Daddy, I'm learning to let the enemy distract me a whole lot less now.

If we don't share our Daddy, who will?? I love to tell people how much He's taught me, or how much He loves me & cherishes me. I live to share the Good News!!! How could I not want everyone I know, meet, or even see to have what I have. To know they are protected & loved. Share with them that all they have to do is believe Jesus died on the Cross for us, that He was resurrected & He was the Ultimate Sacrifice. Because of His Selfless act, His blood now covers ALL our sins & we are no longer under the law...what I truly love to share is that each step, each moment, of everyday I am in Him & He is in me...the unexplainable PEACE I can live in. All I have to do is choose to let Him lead my steps, be my GPS if you will. Some of those steps are pretty difficult. Some are a little easier.

What I believe is this, He knows what each of us struggles with, the shaping & molding are usually in those areas. So if you struggle with sharing the Good News with people who either don't believe, or you don't know if they do...that's probably going to be an area that stays pretty warm under the heat. Only because He's molding you to be more like Christ which I know you already know, but just felt the need to put that out there.

If you are walking with Christ, I believe He wants us to go "ALL in" for Him. Be willing to share with strangers about why were shinning so bright. Be willing to be who He is molding us to be, ALL THE TIME. Not just in front of people who know Who He is. But every day of your life, be the person He's creating in you, not who the world tells you that you need to be. If you can't be who He is leading you to be, you're not really walking with Him. There is NO gray area. You're either with Him or not with Him, there is no in between.

The deeper I fall in love with Him, the more I feel free to be me-in Him. I feel like it's ok if I want to say Jesus, in front of someone. Or share with someone what He's done in me, whether I know them or not.

I believe that He is first in my life. I know that He is my protector, provider & that He never leaves me, He's always right here. I have heard that "you put God in front of everything even family & that's not right!!!" I've also heard, "please leave me alone." But the one I cherish & pray for each time, is when someone says, "thank you for being willing to step out." It doesn't matter to me if I'm politically correct, or not. Honestly I'm not trying to fit in this world, I'm biding my time until eternity, truth be told I want to see as many people as I can in eternity with me, mostly because I want my Daddy to have as many of His children with Him as possible.

I've been asked by people what I believe in. My answer will always be Jesus Christ. I believe He was God & man & that because of Him taking the punishment He didn't deserve, I now have what I rightfully don't deserve, His grace. I believe that anyone who chooses to take Jesus Christ as their Savior is saved. I believe that He is why I have peace, hope & of course love. In closing this I pray that everyone who reads this will stop & think about this....are you "ALL in" for Christ, or just a fan??

If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you.
                                                                                                  John 15:18 NKJV

Remember just saying His Name, plants a seed. So stop worrying what others will think if you go "ALL in" for Jesus, make Him smile & share the Good News, or at least plant a seed. If you're claiming to be a Christian walking in a relationship with Christ, then be transparent when it comes to your beliefs. Don't let the enemy distract you with doubt, or worry, or better yet FEAR. That is what it is after all, right??? Tell that FEAR to get behind you & take a step of faith.

Am I still lying in the world's broken truth???

Therefore, putting away lying. Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.
                                                                                       Ephesians 4:25 NKJV


This Scripture is the one on my daily Bible app today. All day I looked at it, I even shared it a couple of times on my personal Facebook page. It was sticking to me like a piece of partially chewed caramel candy, sticky with saliva. I just kept chewing on it, but never seemed to be able to swallow it??? I got a text from a woman Daddy God has recently used many times in my self pity parties to remind me that He can do anything. She used to just politely listen as I could rationally point every area of my life to either following God & abiding in His peace, or blame every bad thing on the enemy. She didn't understand why I felt I could hear Him, or how I knew what He was calling me to do, etc...She was going to church & she believed she was "doing" what she was supposed to do to be a Christian. According to the way our families raised us, she was.

We were raised to believe if you didn't kill anyone, or hurt anyone on purpose, or we could help others if they deserved it. Another thing I was raised to believe is that a "little white lie" won't hurt anyone. If you will cause friction, hurt someone's feelings, or make them feel uncomfortable, then a "little white lie" is the right choice. Talking about Jesus a lot in my house just wasn't done. "Bible beaters" made us uncomfortable. I was like any child I guess, I watched my mom & dad to learn how to be a good person. As I got older, I learned that it was my mom that would tell most of the "little white lies" although my dad didn't call her out on them. He would just sit there, until someone got upset with my mom & then he would protect her to them...but to her he would get upset & things would be "quiet & cold" at our house for awhile. So I learned that to tell a "little white lie" was ok. She did too.

But in the last six months or so, our conversations have changed. I have been pleasantly surprised on many occasions by how much she's opened herself up to God. To learn that He cares about EVERY detail of our lives. That He always loves us & that He wants us to do more than follow the laws. That His desire is for us to share Him & the Good News with everyone. That we allow Him to have control, to teach us, to lead us, to make us more like Him. She's asked questions that have made my jaw drop at the depth of her curiosity already!!! So, she's now aware that being a Christian has NOTHING to do with religion & everything to do with the relationship with Christ. That accepting Him as our Savior & that He not only laid His precious life on that Cross at Calvary, but rose again 3 days later, is ALL she has to do. Like me, she was happy to find this out. We both have our pasts & we both now know that we NEVER have to look back again....God is so so so good.

Back to her text. She asked if she could call...I didn't hesitate to text back "of course." So within moments her ringtone came singing out of my phone. When I picked up it was so good to hear her voice & instantly I felt the need to see this Scripture again. So I read it, then kept chatting & listening. At one point I thought I had figured out why He kept leading me to this  Scripture. When we were talking about some people in our lives that are procrastinating important things. Finding excuses to not have to get things done. Relying on others to get done what they need to do. Waiting until the last possible moment, then asking us or someone else to "help" them. Oh, I stopped her & went to my app & read the Scripture to her. I was ready for her to say, "oh yes, you are so very right." I was ready to feel that pat on the back. The pat the world tells us we need to feel "right."

But she didn't seem to respond in that manner at all??? She seemed to not hear what I said, so I read her a couple more versions....still no pat on my back??? She didn't get the connection, so I explained to her...."we need to call them on the excuses. Let them know they are lying to themselves when they say they cant do something. Or lying to themselves about ....." She tried to get the connection. She could tell I wanted her to. I needed her to agree that it was their fault....Why didn't she get it???

Then came the WHAM....the Truth hit me while I was thinking about how they need to change. Daddy said to this self centered daughter, "she learned how to be from you, just like you learned from your family....you showed her that little white lies were ok most of her life....you showed her how to put things off....you taught her to sit & let others take care of her instead of vice versa....you were her example...even now as you sit in judgment of her choices, you are her example....your choice to keep lying to yourself about your health issues, weight & pain keeping you from doing what needs to be done...from enjoying the ability to home school, from fellowship with others...you are living a limited life by your own choice....this is her example."

I murmur "uggghhh" and she asks me what's wrong?? I tell her what I've just been given from our Daddy...she starts to laugh a bit & says "yep that's it." I re-read the Scripture, the Truth He wanted me to see in it is suddenly highlighted immediately...I am still lying to myself...I have to stop lying to myself & then she will see the truth in my example. I am her example, I can have the choice to what kind of example I want to be...or don't want to be.

So, with this being said, I am not condoning going out & hurting people with your truth. What Jesus calls us is to "love your neighbor as much as yourself."

I, myself will be getting up & changing my routine. I will not allow myself to have others serve me, when I'm able to serve myself. I have asked my Daddy to give me the energy & strength to get back to a good wife, mom, Nona & friend. Actions speak louder than any words. If I chase hard after Him, He will make me more like Him. I choose to become more like my Savior & be a good example...Are you lying to yourself about something???? Stashing something away to be comfortable???? Remember He knows it's there, He's just enough to let you find it yourself. It's called GRACE.

How far am I from the edge???

Tonight I found myself watching a touching remembrance of Robin Williams on the show "Inside the Actors Studio." I watched it with my youngest son Jr. He is about 11 1/2 years old now. I didn't know if he would have any idea who Robin Williams was. To my surprise he remembered him from a show called "the crazy ones," that was on this last year. He laughed at that show. As we watched the man that was "Robin Williams" pull an unlimited amount of funny out of his mind, we laughed from deep inside....together we laughed till tears were running down our faces. In the beginning for the same reasons, but as the tears started to stream a little more crying than laughing down my face, I could feel the pain.

You see I lost my only biological sister to suicide. She shot herself in 2002, when she was 34 years old. She was just about to become a biological grandma & she was fighting addiction as well at the time. Mostly I think she was fighting some old demons that just wouldn't let go & she had no idea all she had to do was say "get behind me demons, I belong to Christ!!!" She only knew that she was in pain & wanted it to stop...you probably wonder how I know this, well I will tell you. In detail.

First I must warn you that I will be sharing deep parts of my life with you. If you in any way wish to post negative comments, they will be deleted & you will be removed, PERIOD. This is going to be hard to read & I would prefer if you are feeling suicidal, or a desire to self harm, please DO NOT read this post. I am not a mental health worker in any form, I will simply be sharing what I feel God has given me to share, for His reasons, ALONE.

In 1984 I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, with severe depression. I had just had my son, I was 19 & on my own. My mom was also diagnosed many years earlier with the same diagnosis. She had spent many weeks in the mental ward when I was a teenager & growing young woman. I don't have any idea how many, but I do remember that it disrupted the household each time. I remember my dad used to seem to just accept these stays, even though they seemed months at times. I remember honestly being glad she was gone because she & I fought like cats & dogs. I also remember hoping that one of those stays would send her home filled with the same love for me that she had for my little sister....one of them had to, didn't it??? So, getting this diagnosis scared me a little, because I didn't have anyone to care for my son, when I needed to be hospitalized???

Praise God the Dr. explained that he was going to try medicine to "level me out" & keep me "on an even keel." I agreed & off I went on the long, long, long road of trying every chemical known to man, or that they could come up with, to stimulate my brain into being happy & not wanting to die. Yes I said "die" & I meant it. I can remember wanting to die as early as about 6 or 7 years old. I remember just saying "please God wont you take me to heaven away from here" very seriously. I remember every moment that I had to spend with certain people, making me want to die even more....sometimes that was my own mother. Mostly because I couldn't believe she was so blind to the sexual abuse I was living in....daily. How did she not know???

Through the years, there were moments, mostly over love that went wrong, or the relationship between me & my mom, that I wanted to die. Times I plotted my death route....always playing it out in my mind & sighing with relief at the end. But, until the 17the day of March in 2007, they were just that, playing out in my mind. That day was different. That day was hard to survive.

That day was coming up on the 5th anniversary of my sister's suicide on the 24th of March. We had just gotten married, me & my hubby on the 17th of February. I had done a very inexpensive home wedding...just a few family members, and a few friends from our church. Because my hubby was a plumbers apprentice at the time, we were making a whole lot less. So I had to get very creative to make this wedding everything I wanted. I scoured over the blogs & websites for brides, looking for free or very cheap ways to host a beautiful wedding. I researched Scriptures & picked out my favorite. Got everything either free, or on deep sale somewhere. Worked my booty off to get into my favorite of the 3 dresses I had gotten. 2 were free & the last one I got for $75 on craigslist.com. It was a princess style, one of the free ones. It was covered in beads, satin, lace....I loved it.

Anyways back to one of the darkest days of my life...I had just gotten married & was experiencing this "let down." I guess it's normal?? I guess when people go through this almost "high" of planning & preparing for something, after it is over there is this period where there is a "let down" phase that most people just dart through then go on. But I have this disorder.....one that I haven't thought about for a while....I was using other things to keep me on that even keel....off my meds, AGAIN. So this "let down" phase hit me harder with each passing day. I began to start feeling like I had nothing to look forward to. I started to tell myself this. Then I started to believe it, and before I knew I was living it.

It was one evening after dinner me and my hubby were watching TV. I don't know exactly what was the deciding factor, yes actually I do, it was the lack of sleep. When I'm depressed I cant sleep. I get insomnia terribly. But I had some Ambien I had just gotten filled. A refill so I could get some sleep. While hubby and Jr watched TV I headed into the bathroom....I sat in there for a long long time. Listening to the negative hate spewing out of my own mind & mouth for myself. I started to continue the carving I was doing into my right thigh. It was the day I lost my sister I was carving into myself. Then those demons, the ones that lie & tell you that "you'd be better off dead!!"

Those voices are deafening for me at times...especially then. Then when you start remembering all the ones who love you, your hubby, kids, mom, etc...those same voices start to belittle you with things like, "oh they don't love you, they'll be better off without you!!" Then they resort to trying to chide you into it with "what are you too chicken??" Well that night, I decided to kill those voices, permanently silence them. I grabbed my new refill & headed into the bathroom. I started my bath & put sweet smelling bubbles & a bubbling ball in. I lit a candle & turned off the lights...I got into the bath with my diet coke & my refill of Ambien & laid back & began taking that refill, first a couple...then a couple more...and so on. I remember telling God "thank You for forgiving me Father." I then remember waking up in the hospital, with a stranger watching everything I did...sitting in my doorway, never leaving.

After talking to one of the nurses & my hubby I had decided to be honest & share with the Dr when he/she got there what I had tried to do. But that quickly changed after I found out that there was no place for me to go to get the help I needed. I denied the attempt to take my life & said it was an accident & refused to admit any other scenario. You see they were going to send me a couple hundred miles away from the ones I loved & wanted to get help for...to a rehab, not a mental health facility. I didn't have a drug problem, I needed to be in therapy & have my meds adjusted. Instead I agreed to go to the Psychiatrist & get back on the meds to control those thoughts & keep me on an even keel. In the years since, I have gone on & off so many different chemical compounds, been sick as a dog & bouncing off the walls. But finally I started using a natural medicinal plant extract & it is working wonderfully.

Since then I have not tried to take my own life. But if I'm honest, I would have to admit that even as recently as the last month, I've had thoughts of taking my own life. Now I just turn to my Daddy, He is right here to calm me & reassure me that His plan is not done. That is enough for me now & if my needs ever change, I trust & believe that He will have my back ALWAYS.

You see EVERYONE is facing this same battle called life. But the difference is Who we have fighting for our side.....I chose the biggest, toughest, most honest & trustworthy to fight on my side...I chose my LORD. Please if I can pray for you, or you don't have anyone on your side, let me introduce you to my Daddy, GOD.

Before I re-enter the world...

I have shared on here on probably several occasions that I have an issue with tasting words before I spit them out...maybe not in those words, but with that meaning. God has been working on this with me for pretty much my entire  life, especially since I have made the choice to accept Jesus as my Savior. It seems that each time my Daddy decides to work on this area of me again, He starts out with letting me make my own choice & even as I'm spitting out the venomous words at someone I love very dearly, I hear Him whisper....."this, this is where I'll be trimming & shaping this time."

My Daddy loves me so much that He has NEVER followed that whisper up with an "again." He doesn't remind me that He has worked on this area more than a few times. This area is one I really want to be trimmed away completely. I tell Him I want Him to remove this sin I keep repeating, over & over. He always is so gentle in His shaping of my heart. He NEVER just rips it out, He ALWAYS wraps His trimming in His total faithfulness.

When I was growing up, a lot of times words hurt. I am not blaming my choice to use words as weapons on ANYONE. It was just a fact of life in my house as a child. My mom was raised the same way in her youth & just carried it into her parenting. I honestly don't hold any animosity towards her for this choice. I used to be very angry with her. I didn't want to forgive her because then I had someone other than myself to blame. However, if you've read my blog since the beginning, you know that my Daddy didn't want me to keep holding onto the resentment, it was eating me from the inside out. It was a struggle, I can not tell a lie, but well worth the pain is the peace I have received, His peace.

So, I was the "I have to know," "I want to have my way," "I asked why over & over." I wasn't an easy child I guess. I knew my father loved me all my life, but honestly for most of my life, I've never truly believed that my mom did. She seemed to always find something wrong with everything I did...don't we all feel this way?? Really I'm asking, because I just thought it was the way the world was. I grew up way to fast. My mom was never satisfied with me & I just wanted out of the house, no matter how.

From early on my mom was closer with my sister. She was the "easy, don't ruffle feathers" child when she was younger. My mom used corporal punishment as a discipline in our home & I was the one who "needed" the most discipline. She usually used my dad's belt. My sister really didn't get the belt very often, she had learned how to avoid it from an early age. I knew that belt. I hated that belt. I hated her for using it to hurt me with EACH syllable of every hurtful, angry word she spit at me. No matter how many times she would swing that belt down on me, I would refuse to cry, which just fueled her anger more. My little sister would say to me, "why don't you just cry, she stops when you cry??" But I told her "I'll never give her that satisfaction!!" When she wasn't using the belt to "teach" me, she used her words. I learned to feel more & more powerless & less & less worthy. At times I questioned if she loved me at all.

I think the biggest memory I have of her using words to "teach" me, was when I was in high school. My mom finally talked my dad into family therapy. We were all sitting in the Dr's office, my dad, mom, sister & me. She was talking about the problems in the family & asking what brought us. I believe I said I felt like my mom didn't love me. My mom said to her "well her dad is closer with her & I'm closer with her sister." Just as matter of factly as if that were normal. I began to live it as normal. Using my words to get my own way, using them to hurt those who hurt me, to manipulate men...you name it, I used them. The worst way I used them, was to "train or teach" my children...

Which brings me to the subject of this blog post that my Daddy is totally sharing through me. He blessed me to be able to attend a wonderful women's retreat with some of the same amazing women from last year's in Florida & some just as amazing new sisters!! He placed me in just the place to teach me.

After an enlightening, inspiring, emotional & wonderful weekend I was feeling both excited & drained. I get a call from my hubby that irritated me some....it was on me not him. Then I ask about coming home to a clean house. He tells me to talk to little girl cuz he wants to stay out of it. So I message her. "That house better be spotless when I get home." To which she replies, "spotless is a far cry from clean, you said clean." Immediately I sense her frustration & fly off the handle....tossing & spitting flaming, wounding words again & again...this sends her on a rant that just infuriates me more. I start making threats, I start picking at every fault she has....she just feeds in & we are off on one of those fights that the enemy just sits backs & laughs at.

She has learned to just shut down when she realizes I'm out to "win" this argument, which just makes me more & more mad. I use anything I can to hurt & manipulate her to letting me have the control I think I have, or SHOULD have. After several more messages on my part than hers, I'm drained & I go to bed.

My Daddy awakens me in the morning to a beautiful refreshing rain. I wake up thinking, "ahh what a beautiful day." Then the enemy reminds me what I did the night before. I try to push it aside & he just keeps shoving it back in my face. Finally I hear my Daddy whisper, "just lay it down & move on." This is always the hardest step for me, I don't know about you but I want to feel justified, not let go. But He has other plans, again always to give me hope & a future.

I pray to Him & I ask Him to please give me the words to say to my little girl, to apologize. He calms me & whispers, "not by text, or msg....on the phone, or in person so she can hear your voice." This always makes me argue, that I'm not wrong, etc...Then He reminds me that it doesn't matter who's right, or wrong...all that matters is that I love her & be obedient to Him if I want to be more like Him.

So, as of this moment, my Daddy has shared several truths via inspirational photos, friend's support & most importantly this Scripture....

Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.
                                                                           Proverbs 13:3

This is very direct & to the point...it rings true in my life how about yours??

Are your words giving life, or wounding those you love???

I am currently awaiting a phone call from little girl, to apologize to her. Please keep me in your prayers.

Finding my purpose...in an unexpected gift.

This week God brought a gift/reward to our family...especially this Nona. You see our "little worship leader" entered this broken world....with her she brought a HUGE heart of HOPE to our family & those He has planned for her to touch with her gifts. Gifts He wrote in His Book of Life before He created the universe....the thought of this puts me in a stand of TOTAL AWE.

Our youngest grandchild, a sweet & precious grand daughter. She was a surprise. When I say surprise, I mean NO ONE was expecting this gift. Let me back up & share the story...if you want you can follow along. ;)

I was taking "little girl" to the dr. because of a urinary issue. While we waited for the dr. they asked for a sample, of course. After seeing the dr. & finding out yes she needed an anti-biotic, we were sent on our way with a prescription. We left & headed out to do the stuff we needed to before heading home, stopping first for a drink from a fast food joint. While we were waiting for our drinks at the drive thru, my phone rings. I answered & the voice on the other side says "is this little girl's mom?" I say "yes ma'am it is" then she says "can I please speak to little girl?" Instantly my mind jumps to the worst case scenario but I hand the phone to "little girl" & continue to drive into the parking lot & towards the street....."there's no way.....that can't be???!!!! NO THIS CAN NOT BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, IT MUST BE WRONG!!!!"...................

I knew the answer the moment she said "there's no way" I knew she was pregnant, but my mind was filled with questions...."who?? when??? I thought you & mister were waiting???? Why didn't you tell me???? I thought you & I were past the child/mom only relationship & had moved onto the child/mom/friends who trusted each other & didn't lie to each other relationship....the one I've been waiting for since you were born, the one my mom & I NEVER had....when I finally thought she trusted me & I trusted her enough to speak truth in love to her (not always very gracefully, I admit) & could accept her doing the sameHis truth surrounded by the comfort of His love. As I believe God tells us to do & also the way friends do & not just the same old, "worry about what she thinks about a choice I've made, a mistake....all that goes along with a mom/child relationship in my life. The relationship I've always had with my mom. From the moment I stepped out faithfully & spoke truth to her, God's Truth, several years ago, she didn't & as far as I know, still doesn't agree with my faith. Well she believes in God & that Jesus died for us & I believe she believes in the resurrection?? Her issue is more with the fact that I put God/my faith, above EVERYTHING else. I don't leave God for church, or what I call "magic Jeannie syndrome" (only when you need help or something financial or someone not to die) About a year after that she packed up her house, my nephew & moved about 1000 miles away to be near family. That I understood. The way I found out she was moving, my niece/sister called me late Weds. night & told me "did you know mom's moving to OZ early Friday morning?" I tried to reach her, but could not. So she moved with out telling me she was moving, or even saying "good-bye."

Back to this early afternoon surprise phone call from the dr...I started asking God..."Why???  How God is she gonna do this?????" She was still in the middle of telling the dr. that they were wrong.....I really didn't mean to say it out loud, I thought I was whispering it to God, but I did to my total shock & by the look on her face, little girl was too, that I had figured this out by one sentence??? That look of shock was ALL over her sweet, beautiful face....she said in total amazement, "how did you know that??" My heart both sank & jumped for joy at the same time. I didn't know which emotion to cling to....

Finally she handed me back my phone, I was lost with what to say, but I was going to find out what was she thinking????? As I turned to her to take my phone back, I saw my little girl's eye's welling up with shock/sadness/fear/anger & all of those started to roll down her cheeks. My mama's heart rushed forward, raced ahead of my worldly mama anger, disappointment & every other lie satan was throwing at me. I pulled into a parking space immediately, put the car in park & took my little girl into my arms & we held each other...after a bit I leaned back & said, "well I guess I'm gonna be a Nona again." The next moment, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach, punched in the face & thrown out of a moving truck...words I just knew would NEVER come out of my daughter's lips rolled off her tongue. "No you're not, I CANT DO THIS!!!!" I looked at her, hoping I was confused, wrong, totally mistaken...but I knew I wasn't, "what do you mean???" She spoke again, "I'm having an abortion. This timing is wrong. Everything is just working out & I'm happy with my life. I just cant....." I didn't let her finish, "NO you aren't!!! You don't even believe in abortion!! You might not be able to do this, but God can..." It went back & forth like that for a few. I just kept telling her the TRUTH, "God doesn't make mistakes & if He's bringing this child here, He has a plan for her!!!!" I could see her just below the surface of this unexpected gift. "I don't know what to do mom, I cant carry a baby for 9 months & then give it up for adoption. I know you did, but I am NOT you mom. I cant do it & I don't want to do it."

We left that parking lot in agreement that she would talk to mister, to see what he thought. You see what I found out in that parking lot was that not only had she lied about her intimate life with mister, but she had also lied about another young man she had broken up with just before mister. So she was worried about who's it was. I prayed intently about this new molding we were about to experience.

Within the next couple days she went back & forth. Then one day she & mister were out back & I brought up the unexpected gift. Immediately little girl speaks up, "I've decided & I'm having an abortion!!!" She spoke with such a grown woman's voice, yet behind the words, I saw my sweet little girl trying to not hurt me. I tried & tried to share the TRUTH that I know. God doesn't make mistakes. He has this child's name in His BOOK of LIFE. He's got a plan already for this little one. "I don't care. STOP PLEASE!!" For days I tried. I tried. I tried. I worried, I cried, I shouted, I threw fits. I BEGGED for prayers.

Then one day, she said "I don't care, I'll be fine. I went for my first appointment already & the appointment is set up for Friday. So STOP Mom!!!"  That moment my heart crashed through my chest & onto the ground....I just sobbed & walked away. I prayed in my room, I cried out to Jesus, I begged Him to please stop this murder.

I got on the phone & text some women I knew had some experience with abortion. Begging them to please pray. Trying to make sure God was giving me the words to share this with these women, without judgment. They each offered to share their experience with her....the first one offered & when I said "yes PLEASE!!!!" She said, "I'm not going to try to changer her mind, I'm going to offer my experience & share things with her that I wish someone would've shared with me. But know that I'm not taking sides & I wont push her to change her mind." I didn't even hesitate, I said "ok I understand." God's peace seemed to surround me & this issue immediately. I felt like He was in control. I just kept praying that little girl could hear Him. That I could hear Him.

My friend showed up to talk with little girl. By the time she got there, my relationship with little girl was on the rocks & ready to blow up. But I took her outside to hang with little girl & mister. I left them to their conversation & went into pray. When she came in, I walked her out & asked her, "what do you think??? Did she change her mind????" She looked me in the eyes & said, "I don't know. It's up to God now. But even if she has an abortion, God is here, He's in this."  I realized then, that is what He wanted, me to know this truth. He never leaves me.....or my little girl. "I know, I know." Then suddenly I realized, I wasn't being honest with why I didn't want her to have an abortion. It wasn't because of what would happen to me, or this unexpected gift.....it was because I knew that this one act, this one decision, this one appointment would forever ache in my little girls heart. She wasn't created to say no to an unexpected gift from God.....I felt like I had to share this word He had given me. This new light that to me was shining brighter than anything else.

I walked out onto the patio, by this time she barely wanted to be in the same vicinity as I was, so she wasn't looking at me. She was sitting there talking to mister. I sat down & said, "can I tell you something that God just shared with me???" She glared at me, completely dismissing my tender question, "no mom I cant take anymore. please just leave me alone." I just sat there. Eventually I spoke, "little girl, I'm not trying to make you do something you don't want to. I just feel like God shared a word for you with me." she looked at mister & finally said "whatever, go ahead."

"I have never had an abortion. I cant honestly tell you from experience what it feels like, physically or emotionally. But can I ask you a question??" She didn't even look up, "fine mom." So I whispered to my Daddy, please You give me Your words, not mine. I want her to hear You, not me....."When you & my friend talked, she told you she had an abortion??" She said, "yes she did." His words just flowed so perfectly, "and she's raised her children???" Again, "yes mom, so??" I honestly had no idea where this was going, "was she glad she had the abortion, or do you think she had regrets??" By now she was getting angry with me, I could tell, "probably" Then He opened up the door to the real reason He was giving me all these questions...."I have raised my children & I have placed a child for adoption....one thing I do know, I have NO regrets for EITHER choice. You are a gift from God & whether you believe it or not, I know your heart my sweet little girl. You would never forgive yourself if you end this life....with all the pain that you'd blame yourself for, I'm afraid I'd lose you." She looked at me & when I glanced at mister, he looked up & then looked at her...his eyes filled with concern & love. She spoke up & said, "I wont have any regrets about this, what I am worried about is that our relationship will change." Without even thinking, or a millisecond of hesitation, "I can not lie to you little girl, this choice will forever change our relationship. I don't know how it couldn't, you are making a decision to do something that goes against everything I believe in. I'll always love you, but things just couldn't be the same." Her face said so much more, she got up & started to gather her stuff...mister was doing all he could to help her get inside, "fine mom whatever."

I sat there for a long time, sobbing, yelling at God in my head. I don't know how long I was out there.....finally I wore myself out & went in. The next day, I was on the patio with sweet hubby when they came out. She spoke first, "I told mister that since this would affect his future too, that I wanted him to decide. Either an abortion, or have this baby & raise it, even though it may not be his." I held my breath waiting for the answer....she went on, "he decided that he wants to have the baby. Not give it up for adoption, raise this baby together." Have you ever felt like the weight of the world was lifted off you, well I started to sob & thank Jesus & also told mister thank you soooooo much!!! Mister said, "well I knew that you were very worried about how this would hurt little girl. I love her & I don't want her to hurt. We can do this."

In the months since this decision little girl & mister have been busy building a great family & recently he has gotten a word from God in a dream. Now he is ready to be the man God wants him to be & lead his family to God. This excited me so much. Little girl has struggled through so many health issues, financial issues, faith issues & not to mention our little worship leader has been way too small from the beginning. During the last month of her pregnancy M came out to where we live & we were blessed to get to see her & her wonderful family...along with Special K, her family, M & D & their family. I really wanted little girl to meet M & vice versa. The night was ending as little girl & my princess  arrived. When we were getting ready to leave, I asked if the women would please lay hands on little girls tiny little round belly, of course they all said YES!!! In the middle of M praying, God gave her a word for little girl & her bundle of joy, she asked if she could share, of course we all said PLEASE DO...."God told me that she is going to come out loving Jesus & sharing from a very early age about Jesus...that she is going to worship Jesus from a very young age & be a leader. Also that both little girl & her little worship leader were both going to be overcomers....one physical & one spiritual" I saw little girl's eyes fill with grateful love & spill over onto her cheeks.

After that little girl seemed to have a purpose, live with more intention....So as I sat & held back my mama tears, while my sweet little girl labored. While the nurses argued with her about if she was ready, or if it was just in her mind. She demanded it was time....in less than 30 minutes our little worship leader came floating into the world....she was so very tiny....too tiny. I hear the nurses talking to each other about how they cant get the white stuff off, and that she shouldn't have this much & it shouldn't be this hard to get off, as I watch them scrub my sweet little feather too hard as far as I was concerned...they bet on her weight as I took pic after pic & held her little hand. Finally they had it, her weight was 5 pounds & 7 ounces....she was 18 3/4 inches long.....very tiny.

Then after a couple days in the hospital they came home. Little girl tells me that the dr who delivered our sweet girl told her "they must have gotten the date wrong at the first drs office, she didn't think that this sweet little feather was over 37 weeks old...which means mister is biologically her daddy!!!"  I just had/have one belief in this, God wanted to reach mister & little girl, He wanted them to realize it's their choice to have a relationship with Him, He's always there but they must choose it. When they chose Him, He rewarded them with an unexpected gift.....our little worship leader, little feather....

Say hello to the newest gift in my life......little feather, the worship/leader.

Oh & I found another purpose.....to be still & love.

We interrupt this multi post message for breaking news...time for a growth spurt...

 

 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.  Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching.  Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you.                     

                                                                         1 Timothy 4:12-14 ESV

 

 

I've seen this Scripture several times lately. In most cases it was shared about a younger person. God just kept bringing it around & around...I must insert in this space the fact that our Father is so patient...how many times have you asked your children to do something & then just wait around patiently for them to decide to do it?? Well that doesn't fly in this house & I'm sure it doesn't in yours either.

 

Back to God showing me this verse. I have been up & down most of the last few nights. I could feel this post coming through His subtle whispers. I've been putting this off for as long as I can. I honestly thought He was leading me to get the posts about the Encounter God Retreat we attended in Abilene, TX last Oct. done...the messages have been so jumbled. That's when I know it's something that will be life changing for me. That He's going to be growing me, that what He's going to teach me will make me more like Him. These are both my favorite & sometimes most difficult times. But they are like a changing of the season's....a growth spurt...

Remember those?? I have fond memories of those & sad ones too. In our family we did hand me downs. God blessed me with 2 girl cousins that were just a few years older than me & my sister. Of course their mom was always up on the cutest styles, so they had so many cute clothes & shoes to hand down. I got my first pair of high heels from them!!! I used to look forward to their bags. I loved digging through them trying outfit after outfit on. Some would be to big & I'd have to wait to grow into them...those were some of the sad memories. The next day I'd get to wear a new outfit, it always felt so good to head out in a new outfit. The sadness long gone & forgotten, now replaced by the laughing & excitement of girls giggling. Still too big, but not as important.

The other sad memories I have with growth spurts is out growing a favorite out fit. You know what I'm saying. The outfit that I'd wear everywhere. It fit me just right. I felt attractive in it. Wearing it made me walk with my head a little higher. Then I'd hit a growth spurt & suddenly it became my little sisters outfit...I would be so frustrated & sad. Jealous even sometimes.

All this to say that finally today my brain started working in a different way & I now am seeing this Scripture in a different way. Instead of seeing & thinking literally young in age, I'm seeing & understanding it as in young in our relationship with Jesus. We all start out as newborns in every area of our lives. We learn as we go. Our faith grows as we grow & mature in our relationship with Him. It doesn't go by how long we've walked, but the path He is taking us down. Sometimes His plan is to get us through something quickly, fast track us. Other times He lets us linger along the path. If we linger too long in a comfy spot, He may allow things to get uncomfortable for us, to get us moving. We never want to stay somewhere we are uncomfortable. So we will move, if we are believers, we move the direction God guides us. But as we go we grow, become more like Christ.  Each time we pass a season, we find it getting easier to get going again. To not linger for too long. To hear Him & get moving. Then we enter a new season, when He knows we're ready.

He changes times and seasons;
    he deposes kings and raises up others.
He gives wisdom to the wise
    and knowledge to the discerning.
                                   Daniel 2:21 NIV


I was reading in "God's Words of Life" when He led me to this Truth...

"...The talents we use may change season to season...Keep looking for & developing new talents. God will bring them out in you as you yield yourself to Him."
                                                      Nancy Corbett Cole

At this point I have noticed I'm on a new growth spurt. This growth spurt is spiritual. It's the kind of growth I've experienced a couple of other times...the first time when I realized I didn't need religion, only to have a personal relationship with God. The second was when I learned that Jesus is God...that was a wonderful revelation that has changed my life. I, like so many others, always thought that God, the Son & the Holy Spirit were 3 different individual beings. So this was something new for me. Lately my Faother has been teaching me more & more what the Holy Spirit is to me. That it is God in me. He's my Helper. I'm learning that not all Christians believe He is the same as God the Father & Son. They are all good with the first part...God the Father & Son & will speak of the Holy Spirit being equal, but in their truest heart of hearts for God, they place Him at a lower level. But I believe ALL are God & therefore ALL are co-equals. Now this being said I found this reading today, and it really spoke to me.

This made me search out all I could. I found several places that talk about where the gifts come from. How we receive them. What are the gifts of the Spirit. This has caused a conflict & I'm sure will right to judgement day. Some people believe in the gifts of the Spirit, some don't. Some pick & choose which gifts they will accept & some just say "I refuse to put a border, wall, or ceiling on what, when & how God can work through me & others." This is my belief. I've seen God use the Spirit in many areas of my life & those around me.

Here are some of the Scriptures I found concerning the gifts...


 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.  There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord.  There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit,  to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues.  All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.

                                                          1 Corinthians 12:4-11 NIV

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your  faith; ⁷ if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;  if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

                                                            Romans 12:6-8 NIV

I have been learning that God uses each of us in different areas, according to our gifts & where He wants us. He moves us around. He grows His gifts in each of His children that choose to give Him control. He will not force us, He gave us free will. We can choose to accept the gift He gives us & let Him use the gift through us to grow us into a more mature relationship with Him. To bring Him glory, to shine His love through us all.

Our family has recently had a few HUGE changes take place. These are life changing steps. I can not sit & honestly tell you that I have not doubted, or compared. I've put boundaries on & lifted them off God. I've felt the old comfort of my flesh calling my name. I've failed God so many times...but He is here. He knows what He's doing & I trust Him. So, I know so many things are changing around us. I know that these are the times that the enemy wants to use to divide & conquer. Rebuke him, break off the spirit of rejection & doubt. Toss that liar back into his pit.

We as Christ-followers, must not let the enemy tempt us to turn on each other. God made us each unique, so we all handle things differently...but don't give the enemy an inch in this battle. God is more than sufficient to take care of all of us. Let's not judge others choices, lets lift them in prayer. God will show each of us who chooses to surrender all of ourselves to Him, which gift He's blessed you with. If someone else who has been a Christian longer than you speaks doubt over it, smile & choose God. Don't let anyone tell you what your relationship with God should be. Or what gifts He's given you.

Your gifts may change with the seasons He takes you through. The more you allow Him to mature you, the more gifts you may receive?? I do believe that all gifts are alive & shared to this day & will be forever...

Okay, I'm out of words, so this is the end of the breaking news...

 

Meet me in Abilene, Texas at Fountaingate Fellowhship...pt 2

“I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness;
    I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
    to be a covenant for the people
    and a light for the Gentiles,
 to open eyes that are blind,
    to free captives from prison
    and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.
                                                Isaiah 42:6-7 NIV


As I walked into the lobby of Fountaingate Fellowship the next morning, I could smell the amazing aroma of coffee, baked goods & everything  seemed to be extra yummy smelling today. I could hear the whir of people talking & sharing with each other. I saw the line of smiling & chatting men & women all the way to the doors, for the café. There were couples, families & friends gathering in groups, at tables & all around the lobby. I walked Jr over to check him in, while Sr was taking a smoke break out front. C-2 was rushing around, she was a coach & therefore  had plenty to do. D-2 was also a coach, he was grabbing breakfast, then heading out to prepare.

I ask Jr if he wants anything, he says no thanks mom. So I stand there, trying to stay out of the way. Then the beautiful smiling K comes up & says good morning...Jr wants to go in with the other kids, so I take him over then make my way back to K & she leads us inside the sanctuary...it was so strange, it was like I had never been in there before...even though I was in there the night before. It looked different. The first thing I noticed this morning was how large this room was. A peace just came over me. It was very open, no walls. There were NO WALLS....It was WIDE OPEN. Ready to be filled with Praise & Worship being lifted up to our Father, the One Who loves us completely. He doesn't care if our voices crack, or we sing off key...He's thrilled we are lifting up our hearts to Him. It's also very bright in this special place. I walk up to the chairs we had last night & put down my stuff.

We sit down & K asks me some questions about myself. She knows I came from Arizona. "I've been praying for y'all....for a few weeks. Every since God shared He might bring y'all down. We all started praying for y'all..." I must have had a shocked look upon my face, because she just smiled & said "He gave me some words for you already & I'm really excited He chose me to share your very first EGR!!!" I hugged her. I felt like she loved me, she didn't know me from Adam, but she really loved me. I knew she was here for me, that God had placed this woman right here just for me.We talked a little more. I got to learn from her that she & I had a whole lot in common. Both before & after accepting the gift of salvation. I always look up & say, "I know this is you, thank you."

 People began finding their way to the seats they had chosen the evening before...As a man came up to open up the wonderful weekend God had planned for us, in prayer. Then the Worship band came on stage...God opened up the speakers & pure joy, love, praise for our Daddy came pealing out of the mics...& worship had officially begun.

The music was a mix of songs I knew & didn't know. But each one was hand chosen, by God Himself. He picked songs that would get us moving & dancing & reaching for Him...He built up the excitement, He lifted our praise level all the way off the charts. Some songs were great reminders & others that would enlighten us. Each one chosen to prepare our hearts, open them up nice & wide to receive whatever He had for each of us that day. Where ever He was planning on meeting us & whatever He would be teaching us. There were ladies with flags/banners waving them & walking on & off the stage waving them. As I looked around I thought, well what would our church family think of the level this group worships at??? Some people star at those of us who raise our hands to Him in praise. I lose myself in worship & I can feel the eyes on me...wow I love that they are so completely worshipping God, that they don't have any clue whats going on around them...That is my favorite way to worship, totally & completely. Have I been doing that lately??.....I haven't...that was my answer. Just that quick & to the point.

As if she is in on the private conversation going on with my Holy Spirit at that moment, K says do you want to go down front?? I don't even answer, or hesitate, I just get carried down the aisle to the crowd dancing down front....I can literally feel my heart opening wider & wider...I hear the joy of my praise lifting up higher & higher....I can physically feel my head going back, my chest lifting up & His Spirit in me connecting to the Heavens above...there is actually a physical feeling I experience. By the end of worship, I felt like I was being held up by the Spirit connection with God Himself & His Spirit in me...it was so super natural....I remember not wanting to stop worship that morning..I never wanted that level of connection to go away....worship ended & we headed back to our seats...

I had never been to an EGR before & I had no idea  what to expect, other than what we had heard from a couple of others. It is kinda of like a convention in a way. But there's no one trying to sell you anything. In fact people are begging for what God is offering...& it's TOTALLY FREE. So they explain what the sessions are about...We are free to choose which we want to attend, certain ones were for different groups, such as teens, etc. I just chose to let God speak through the ones He wanted me to attend...so I pretty much stayed for it all...one question kept going through my mind..." Omgoodness am I ready for this???"

I answer silently, Oh YES...I can do anything through Christ Who gives me strength....Phil. 4:13....So I am choosing to let God decide what areas I need the work in right now...etc. Take down the walls I've built Daddy, take my hand & lead me down Your path.......

Life with Nona: Meet me in Abilene, Texas at Fountaingate Fellowsh...

Life with Nona: Meet me in Abilene, Texas at Fountaingate Fellowsh...: 14  “I am the good shepherd. I know my sheep, and my sheep know me. 15  They know me just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And...

Meet me in Abilene, Texas at Fountaingate Fellowship....

¹⁴ “I am the good shepherd. I know my sheep, and my sheep know me. ¹⁵ They know me just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I give my life for the sheep.
¹⁶ “I have other sheep that do not belong to this sheep pen. I must bring them in too. They also will listen to my voice. Then there will be one flock and one shepherd.
¹⁷ “The reason my Father loves me is that I give up my life. But I will take it back again. ¹⁸ No one takes it from me. I give it up myself. I have the authority to give it up. And I have the authority to take it back again. I received this command from my Father.”
                                                       
                                                                              John 10:14-18 NIRV


"One more thing going wrong..." I didn't mean to say that out loud, but I did. We were picking up the rental car...then had to load up at home & take off. As usual we were running late. No matter how perfectly we plan our lives....sometimes God has another plan. I've learned that I just need to keep my focus on Him & I wont get lost....or be late. God usually has a great reason for allowing this delay...most of the time we don't know what it is. This time on our way to Abilene, Texas from San Tan Valley, Arizona, I believe God showed me. We came across a pretty bad accident. "Thank you Father" I prayed & then began to lift those involved & their families in prayer. The feeling of gratefulness completely fills me. It's His time, not mine.

We arrive in Abilene, find our way to "Fountaingate Fellowship" & the open arms of C-2....boy I'm glad to see her!!! She takes us in & introduces us to our coaches...a beautifully dressed, blonde woman walks up to me....her smile, it's the first thing I notice. It's filled with light, it's honest, it's beautiful. Her name is....K...for privacy I'll just shorten it to that. "welcome, I am so glad you made it!!!" I've been late to places before, the people who are waiting usually will say this...only behind their plastic smiles they are upset & pretending not to be. K is being real, no plastic smile here...her heart tells me that she truly means it!!! Away we walk, leaving my guys in the lobby with C-2...

K opens the doors & there is a man speaking onstage. I look around & see Special K & near her is Sweet M. After scanning the crowd a little more I recognize Special S & Sweet D....then spot my handsome hubby. I lift up a quick prayer to my Father..."Daddy please let this entire weekend retreat be the encounter I've been desiring...to bring me closer to You!!! Help me to see your hand in every part of my weekend...thank You Daddy for providing this encounter retreat & the ability to get here!!" The evening was almost over, so we listened to them finish up. Then met in the lobby again. Where C-2 & C-1 introduce us to their sweet hubby's, who also have the same first names, so I will call them D-1 & D-2. Immediately I'm struck by the reality that I'm standing in Fountaingate Fellowship, in Abilene, Texas. I'm finally meeting the hubby's I heard so much about & I realize my Daddy once again blessed our faithful obedience...He is amazing, ALWAYS.

The alarm the next morning seemed to go off just as I closed my eyes...but I was ready for ALL my Daddy had for me. I shut the alarm off, head down stairs to the bathroom. C-2 was the only one up that I saw. She opens her bathroom door & says "come on in" I accept the invite & begin catching up, thanking her for her hospitality & ask about the EGR schedule for that day. She's attended several EGR's & we chat it up. Then get ready & head out to the church....this is it. I can feel it, I'm going to encounter God as I never have before....I'm soooo ready!!!

We walk in & see Little J....she's been blessed with a heart to serve with the kids. I introduce Jr. to her & she shows us where he'll be encountering God...I sign him in & walk back to the lobby. I see Sweet Hubby chatting with  C-2 & her wonderful hubby D-2. I then spot K & head into the sanctuary with her where we sit down. I don't see our other friends from AZ?? I know they'll make it so I just spend some time quiet with my Daddy before the amazing day begins.

When I was first learning to walk with Christ, as a Christian, I learned that the church is NOT the building, we are the church. We are the body of Christ, therefore we are His church...the building is where we meet to have fellowship. So, since I learned that, I have never thought about going to another building as being bad. After all doesn't Christ say we are His body. He doesn't specify which building, or congregation's are His body. He says if we believe, give our life to Him & love one another, we are His body...not if we go to "this congregation" or "that congregation" we will be the church. I don't know why this paragraph just came out of nowhere. But it does explain the Scripture God chose to start this post off with.

I attended the same church I found what really being a Christian is, the Pastor married Sweet Hubby & I, he also baptized me...we dedicated our Jr. there & Sweet Hubby baptized Jr. there, our Little Princess was dedicated there & we considered it our home church. So, according to what the world says, I guess I should've felt as though I was cheating on them. But my heart is for my Daddy, not which building I'm worshipping Him in. So I had NO fear that I shouldn't be here. I knew God brought us all this way to meet us here...at Fountaingate in Abilene, Texas....this congregation who loved like my Daddy calls me to. They truly love God & others, they put others needs in front of their needs....they live for Christ & choose to let Him shine through instead of them shining themselves & their gifts. I could feel the REAL LOVE, the same kind of REAL LOVE I found when I leapt off the cliff of faith a few months before in Florida with the sweet sisters that had invited me to this EGR....the kind of love my heart desires to walk in ALWAYS....so it begins, me learning how to let Christ shine through, let go of the selfish "me, I, we" & hold onto the "He, His, Him" that will let others see Him instead of me...