You know those whispers that seem to come out of no where? The ones that question who you are, what others think of you, or if you're good enough to be called a "child of Christ? I DO.
Since I began to feel His calling me to His path, His plan, the one He planned so very long ago. I've fought with every bit of my being, drop of flesh & all the stubbornness the world taught me, not to let Him have my heart, mind & soul. I can't even really remember why I fought Him so hard. I only have slight inklings it was my not wanting to relinquish ANY of the control I had finally begun feeling.
In my family's homes, that I grew up in, the vast majority of control laid in my mother's hands. My dad was in the navy & they were constantly breaking up & getting back together for as long as I can remember. My dad was pretty easy to get along with in my eyes. I will freely admit I was a daddy's girl. I, after all, was his very first child. Being a daddy's girl & just as stubborn as my mother, didn't really help me get along very well with my mother.
Since she was my main female figure all my life & of course because I loved her & wanted to please her, I did everything I could to get her attention. Good or bad, whichever choices that got me her attention, it didn't matter. In my family's house she used corporal punishment, usually in the form of my dad's belt, but a brush or hand worked in a pinch. She would swing with each syllable of every word, aiming for my butt, at times missing her mark.
This was not abuse when I grew up. I can say that it did mold me & create in me a strong fight against being controlled, being vulnerable or letting anyone really love me. Please don't get me wrong, I love my mom, I'm glad she wanted me to be a good person.
Flash forward to the present & that back story may help you to understand my issue with control. When I could fight His pulling me close no more & relinquished part of me to Him, I had this completely overwhelming PEACE, a PEACE I've never known.....it was comforting & deep. I NEVER wanted to live without it.
The world, however, has no place for this PEACE. So, I have stepped on & off the path He has for me. Each time He will call me back every so gently, usually I would end up back at rock bottom before I reach up & ask for His help....most of the time even after I asked for His help, I clung to my flesh & worldliness until I had no where else. That's hard for me to admit now days.
If I let the world, other people or anything else take my focus off my walk with Christ, it's a distraction & no matter what it is, if He shows me it's distracting me, it's gone.
Just knowing my Creator is in control, all I have to do is listen for His whispers....helps me to recognize the enemy's lies. The major difference in the whispers I've found, is if it's God's whispers, they'll line up with His Word. The enemy's whispers beat you down after taking you of the path. The enemy wants you to feel unworthy, he wants you to believe your not as good as your fellow Christians. He tries to trick you into thinking some lies about God doesn't love you as much. The enemy uses our pasts against us in his fight to keep control of us. ...he hates us.
So, the next time you hear those whispers of self doubt, berating or judgment.....rebuke the enemy in the holy name of Jesus Christ.
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