Who are your warriors?

Can two people walk together

    without agreeing on the direction?

Amos 3:3 NLT

This weekend Pastor Bill brought this little goody out. It's not one that I remember reading, but it's etched deeply into my heart now. It seems pretty simple and straight forward, on the surface. When God brings it to life through the heart of a mighty messenger, one who boldly shares Truth without fear and isn't afraid to throw a throat punch or 2, it takes on a much deeper meaning as the truth comes out. 

The truth is that we can't be going in more than one direction in our lives. We can't walk in faith and the world. We can't walk hand in hand with those who shun God and walk hand in hand with God. Don't take what I'm saying wrong, let me state clearly up front that I am not saying stay away from those who don't know God, or even those who hate God. Jesus said in

Mark 2:17

When Jesus heard this, he told them, "Healthy people don't need a doctor--sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners."

God wants us to love, unconditionally, but He doesn't want us to live the same as those who don't know Him. They will never know Him if we seek to please them and walk the same lost path. What I am saying is that when I try to live just like the world, I can't live to please God. That's clear in

Galatians 1:10

 Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.

Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between those who God places around us as warriors. For me His warriors are people who will speak God's truth in my life without fear. Letting anyone who calls themselves my friend speak into my life, has been a pitfall of mine. I tend to go all in when it comes to friendship. I have never been able to keep up a fake mask up for long. So a lot of them haven't lasted. That's been something I have been really giving to God and He's gotten me to the point of not even putting on the mask. It saves me a lot of heartache as I realized that if I am just who God created me to be, always, my tribe finds me. I don't have to go out to seek them, I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. I can accept who I am created to be and embrace me. God gives me everyone He knows I need, just when I need them. Like Pastor Daniel says, "my tribe has my vibe."

 There aren't many warriors in my life, but the ones He sent are true warriors. They love me. They aren't put off when they have to share a hard word and they know I have a tough time hearing the hard stuff. They stand firm in the truth and love me in spite of me. I see God moving mightily not only in their words, but I see Him living and breathing in their lives. This is important for me as I am seeking hard after God. If I don't see God in their lives how can I expect them to speak Him into mine? Not that God can't speak through anyone and anything He can. I take the word to God's Word to see if it line's up. That's how I know if it's from God.

I know that the warriors God is surrounding me with all have the same desire for me as I do. They love God and they want to see me living in His peace and chasing His plan. They don't bring the hard truth with excitement they bring it with faith. I believe they feel blessed God asks them to share His truth with me. They don't want to see me stumbling around in the darkness, they want to turn on the Light to help me. As I have started to really take that in and realize that they are the safety God is surrounding me with. 

In Proverbs 27:17 it says,

As iron sharpens iron,

    so a friend sharpens a friend.

I'd say it's pretty clear about what a real friendship is. It's not always giggles and fun. We have to be willing to both hear the truth and also speak it in love. God is not saying for us to seek out the things that irritate us, or we think are wrong and go give our friends an earful. No, not at all. He does ask us to first pray to Him about the stuff He shows us. I have to make sure I am not comparing their stuff to mine. That I am not holding myself up as the guideline of what they should or should not do. Only God knows the plans He has for each of us. Once God gives me the words and my heart is in the right place, then I take His message to them. It's all about where my heart is, if it's buried in God and not out of selfish control, He will shine through. 

Some of the people we call friends will not being going where God is taking us and that's ok. All God asks us to do is keep moving with Him, He will change the scenery, He will change the seasons and He will change those people He surrounds us with. But our core group of friends should be speaking boldly His truth into us. They shouldn't be part of our core if they aren't lifting our names in prayer. 

My prayer is that we all pick up our cross everyday and walk with others who are lifting up their crosses everyday. And on the days that our cross or theirs is too heavy to carry alone that we will carry ours on one shoulder and theirs on the other. Lord let me never try to dull Your light and may I always walk brightly for You.

Are you alone???

This morning my Poppa God has been whispering such a great word in my ear. Those whispers are finding their way onto my heart...etching them for now & later. In the last several months my life has felt a lot like I was dragging a large mountain behind me...everywhere I went. I have spent many difficult moments I thought I wouldn't make it through...if I am honest, moments, days, weeks...even months I honestly was hoping NOT to make it through...I would beg God to take me then, at that exact moment...& yet here I am...still breathing, still alive, still here...

All of this brought me to rock bottom...where once again I realized Who the ROCK is...Who is there EVERY SINGLE TIME...Who NEVER FAILS me...Who NEVER LEAVES me...my Poppa God.

In this last few months I have faced a whole lot of loneliness...I have felt like I was completely alone in my life...I have seen so many people I "needed" in my life, walk away, or be taken out. Until finally one evening as I was angrily packing up the house we have lived in for almost 5 years...I walked off the path God was walking me down & ran hard into the lies the enemy was continuously screaming at me...the buttons he has ALWAYS reverted to when God is getting ready to trim away a big fat chunk of "sin" from me...who I am...loneliness. 

For a people lover like me...this can be deadly...especially when mixed with my mental illness...God walks me through these struggles...He carries me through them. It took me a long time to realize that God is just waiting...waiting for me to hand the hurt over...give Him the pieces & bury myself deep in His protection until I know He is carrying me & all I have to do is look for His plan in His whispers...then I can walk in the testimony He is building through the struggle...choose His path of peace for others to see Him. 

In the last few months I let this ALL build & build inside...believing I was in control...but finally one of the people I thought would NEVER hurt me, who understood my struggles, just like I did hers...hurt me. At the time, I was so angry for feeling the hurt. I was angry at her & eventually I turned that anger on myself...I was done. No more, I tried to talk to those around me, but they were looking at this change as a blessing, as God's next step for us...I however was keeping all my struggles close & not going to let go that easy...

One evening as I was packing, by myself again, I read something that just ripped my heart out of my chest...I reached out  to those I thought had my back...I reached out to those who said they loved me...no one was there, no one was available...I was completely alone. I wanted out, I started looking for a stash of "just in case" pills I knew I had seen previously...pills I had saved for a way out...a way out of pain, a way out of a struggle like this. I dug through EVERY single tub, box & bucket in my closet where I had seen them...I couldn't find ANY of them...I searched & searched arguing with Poppa God the entire time...yelling, crying, begging Him to let me go...I finally heard Him say..."no my princess I am not done with your testimony yet...no." I dropped to my knees sobbing, still begging for Him to take me, to stop this pain, to take it all away...I sobbed & begged for what seemed like an hour...finally the begging went from asking Him to take me, to asking Him to show me the way to His peace...to the testimony He wanted to build out of my life. 

In the time that has passed since that moment I have faced many other struggles. I cant say that I have always kept my focus, but I can say that I am grateful for the struggles, they teach me to seek Him first...not to expect others to see past their struggles, not to allow myself to place the same expectations on them as I do on my Poppa God. I know He's moving me in a new direction, one that could lead me anywhere...I am excited. I am learning to enjoy His company, not just in the moments when others let me down...but every moment. In the past I have learned on many occasions that others will let me down & I will let others down, that is just a fact of life...it's how I choose to react to these hurts that will separate me from the enemy's plans...& I will choose to focus on God & love them anyways, even from afar.

I also am learning that God will always wait...He knows who He created me to be...He only sees me complete, that's how He wants me to look at others...complete.

We got moved into a new home...one I wouldnt have chosen for us...but God chose it & I know by the blessings He's been bringing into view on a daily basis. The things I thought were His blessings at first, have turned out not to be His blessings...they are part of the struggle He is walking me through, but not one of the amazing gifts I have found in this new home. Hidden gifts like scorpions in a couple of the light fixtures I walk under on a regular basis...they remind me to let go of fear...or the broken microwave, which meant no evening treat for me, the one treat I always enjoy while watching a little tv in the evenings. I appreciate that treat a whole lot more now...or the toilets that broke a week apart...the first one was the only downstairs toilet...the first one was fixed, we have amazing management at this new home...then the other one broke, the plumber lives in another town and wasn't thrilled to have to make 2 trips out here...but the fact that things that are broken are being repaired are a blessing...and being the people person I am, I have gotten to share in praying for some others. One of the biggest gifts is the stairs...I get to climb them 20+ times a day...sometimes 3-4 times for the same thing...yes I moved farther from the gym I belong to, but can no longer use due to injury & advancing disease...I am able to continue to build strength in my body...I think the best gift I have received is the gift of being without company...I wont say being alone...because what Poppa God has reminded me of....again...is that I am NEVER alone once I choose Him. But in the lack of others being here, I am seeing the blessing of having a beautiful backyard, an old birdhouse that was once long forgotten by the birds...I filled the birdhouse...and they have found the once lost feeding spot. Which for me, means enjoying watching the birds & the joy that brings me...a joy I had forgotten about...

PEACE 

***by the way, I found EVERY single bottle of pills in not just one stash, but several stashes even some I forgot about...I prayed & lifted praise to Poppa God as I dumped EVERY pill!!! NO MORE STASHES for me...ONLY God's Grace!!!

Be strong & courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will NEVER leave you NOR forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV