Thursday, March 17, 2016

Can you see them?


Last week I made the 1/2 century mark...yes I turned 50...or as I like to say, "I am 29 with 21 years experience." I did realize that more than likely, I am more than 1/2 way through my life...which is exactly what Poppa God wanted me to remember...I am pretty sure. He has been placing people in my path forever, of course I only started to recognize this in the last 3-4 years. Before that I thought those who crossed my path were a lesson, or a blessing...and I decided which by how I felt about you...what you did or didn't do to me, or for me. The way of the to others, before they do to you.
As those of you who have read my blog over the last couple years know God asked my little girl to say yes to a HUGE step of faith & place the beautiful little feather into her mama's arms...after raising her for several months. The mama He created Little Feather for...the one He asked to step out just as boldly & accept that He brought her little girl to her another's womb. If you haven't been following you can find all my posts here on my blog...please feel free to share any feedback, I love it when people share their heart with me.
One day this week I woke up with pictures of Little Feather in my thoughts...I remembered having a dream about her...I don't remember the exact dream, I only know I woke up feeling an overwhelming rush of joy & sadness all at the same time. I started to cry, I started to wonder...I whispered to Poppa God, "did her heart ache for my little girl after we left that evening???" I suddenly felt the recognizable comfort of my Poppa God's Arms wrapped gently around me...holding me, covering me in the peace only He can give. Then pictures of her eyes twinkling & her chubby little cheeks came rushing forward...the smile that she blesses the world with. I found my peace again and went on with my day.
A few hours later I received a message from Little Feather's mama...she shared with me that while she was scrolling down her Facebook page with Little Feather in her lap earlier that day, they came across a picture of me & when Little Feather saw it she said "grandma" that exact moment I lifted my face to my Poppa God with tears flowing freely down my face...I whispered "thank You Poppa, thank You." He whispered to me, "she's ALL good." The overwhelming mercy He showed in answering me in my moment of struggling with the enemy's lies, poured out over me and filled me back up with the peace He has in His will.
Just then Sr, my oldest son came out and said "are you crying??" Of course I couldn't hide it. Me and Sr have differing beliefs on Jesus. We have agreed to respect each others beliefs and we do not push ours onto each other...I am just living with the prayer that he will hear God's calling and say yes. So I explained why I was crying and how I was grateful for the quick response to my question to God that morning. Of course Sr is skeptical...most people are, especially at first. But Poppa God is faithful and He does give us exactly what we need...So we ended up on the subject of Little Feather's aunt...a young woman Sr hung out with in Jr High...of course his head turned when I mentioned her name..."what does she have to do with Little Feather??" he asked. "She's her aunt." I answered.

I could see the amazement in his face..."Really?" he asked, a little shock in his voice. I explained to him that her dad is this young woman's brother. My son explains to the little girl & Jr that he and my little sister used to hang out with her and one of her brothers. After he was done I finally say, "Isn't it amazing how God works...when you were Jr's age you hung out with Little Feather's aunt & uncle...with no idea that God had a much deeper plan for our families...a plan that would intertwine our families forever." Sr actually went to school with Little Feather's dad & possible mom back years before the jr another town. So God actually brought our families together back many years before He asked Little Girl & Little Feather's mama to take a HUGE step in faith. I love that He shows His amazing building of a plan to us...after we say yes to Him.

Poppa God has been giving me more and more chances to step out in go deeper into a relationship with Him...He has blessed me with so many different gifts. Some I have recognized right away...others He has taken years to mold and shape until just the right moment...the moment when He brings it all together and we all marvel at the depth of His love. Sometimes He asks us to give and sometimes He asks us to receive...both are difficult for us because we are taught from a very young age that God only cares if we are good enough, He doesn't deal with the minute details of our lives...just the big ones.

Well I have learned that He does care about EVERY detail of me...not only my life...but me. He cares if His princess is hurting and He meets me in the pain. Sometimes He gives me the answer I am asking for...other times He simply holds me in His mercy and unexplainable peace while I wait. It's actually my choice to allow myself to be immersed in His arms...EVEN during the hard times....or I can choose to feel the pains and pressures of the struggle...either way He's always here, always ready, always caring...