Friday, May 31, 2013

How can I point anyone in God's direction, if I'm not pointing there myself????

This I was going to write yesterday. I just got too busy, then too tired. So here it is today. I have shared that one of the gifts God blessed me with is discernment. To me this means I recognize when God's speaking to me, showing me, or giving me insight into other's situations. Also mine, when I don't ignore Him cuz it's uncomfortable for me.....well I ALWAYS give in & listen, just maybe not act accordingly.

Recently, a very inspiring, loving, giving, God loving friend of mine, shared her main gift is discernment. She told me directly, this can be a very lonely road....which is very true for me so far. The next day however she shared with me what she's learned about the gift of discernment....."when God shares something with you, it isn't always to open your mouth and spout it out, some times we are to simply lift this info back up to Him in prayer".....this bit of info FLOORED me!!! I felt as though I immediately understood & it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.....yes this is it. The answer to my prayer to Him, what????why????who????how????? It was glorious, truly I felt sooooo good!!

I am learning to accept what God puts in my path. I don't always accept it in a good sport kinda way, but I accept it........and know it's for a reason, and that reason is usually to bring someone closer to Him, or answer someone's prayer, or to remind me of Who's in control. Recently our home has become filled to capacity. Let me explain something that might make this more descriptive & understanding to you. We live in a 4 bedroom home. We got this bigger home because Little girl & my Princess had moved back home & we needed the room. Then Little girl decided to try another shot at making her relationship with my Princess's daddy, let's call him.......Lost boy. So they moved out & back in with Lost boy & his family. So for several months we waited to do anything with the 2 extra rooms upstairs, just in case they came home. Finally after many months, we let Jr have Little girls old room, made Jr's old room a guest room. Then with my Princess's room I created a comfy office for our home. Now while we were taking care of this, Sweet Hubby decided to finally put his man cave/game room together. So, up his pool table went, he hung shelves, and put his man stuff up on them. He really put his all into making a space for him & his friends to hang, if they came over. But honestly, all those rooms sat vacant, except for Jr's.

Then I got a message from my Sis, saying that she was coming to AZ, she & her hubby had, had a physical fight, and she was taking her 2 kids & anything she could grab & fit in her tiny car & leaving. I asked where to, she said staying with a friend. But those plans fell through, which left her & her kids homeless.......yes Lord, I hear You. So after speaking with Sweet Hubby, we offered for her & the kids to stay with us. We did after all have a couple of empty rooms. Now, her children do not know me & my family from Jack & Jill down the street. We've only met them a handful of times in their lives. In fact, due to an insecure mom, we really didn't know each other either. So, here we are all getting to know each other, live under one roof & keep the works somehow.

But a couple of weeks after Sis coming from New York, Little girl decides she just can't take living at Lost boy & all that entails. So home come her & my Princess........which brought both joy & uh oh to my heart. We moved some around & now Little Girl & my Princess have moved back into my Princess's room, Sis & her kids are in the guest room & Jr is in his room. Our home is filled to capacity.

Now, since we have 3 different families, with 3 different ways of living in one home......yes I have gotten stressed at times. As everyone else has too. But the last week or so, I've let the enemy get in there & steal my joy. The joy I get when serving my Heavenly Father. It's brought up all my old favorite sins, gossip, anger, frustration, and making mountains out of molehills. I could hear my Father saying to me "keep abiding in Me, I have your peace, I have the answers, I have a plan", but I was not hearing it. I was wrapped up in the worldliness that is so easy to fall back into, if we don't let God keep a tight hold on us. When searching for the Scripture I wanted to share today, I searched "serving God joyfully" the Scripture was just what He wanted to say to me, for me to share with you & keep in my heart during this amazing chance to serve Him & be a beacon pointing to Him for happiness, peace, unconditional love. Here goes.....

1 Peter 4:9-11

New International Version (NIV)
 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.  Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

So, have I been serving God???? Have I served Him with the joy He alone gives while serving??? Or have I said yes to Him, then turned & let the selfishness of pride, boast about helping others????

Well, He clearly pointed out to me that I wasn't serving Him, but the enemy. I was letting all the tiny frustrations, grow into huge angers, then shoving the angers down........then He shared a truth with me. If I continued to shove the tiny frustrations down, the anger was going to blow....and that family I've been longing for, well they'd walk away, not only from me.......but from the One Who brought them to me to serve in the first place, God. He didn't only bring them here for me, He brought them here for me to serve, to be His light in their worlds of His joy in sadness, I'm the one receiving a second chance here. At this moment, I choose to share my feelings with them, not at them, blame them, just share what does frustrate me. Share that we were used to a routine, that only included.... Sweet Hubby, Jr & me......we were spoiled by the quiet, being able to take off & enjoy the day, just kicking back & watching tv together.......but they are not in the way, they aren't a pain, they aren't too much to deal fact it's the opposite. They are a joy, they are family, they are a gift from God.

So, on the way home yesterday, I heard Father's calm voice reminding me that I'm not serving them alone, but I'm serving Him. I'm being His hands & feet......He's working through this simple woman.....a woman who seeks to do His will......Always....I'm not however serving Him, if I'm grumbling about it.....I may as well not be serving, because it's worse to serve Him while complaining about it.....right!

 They don't know Him, won't know Him, can't know Him, if I don't be the woman God's molding me to be, more like Him. If I don't live as He is teaching me, step by step, how will they see that it can be done????

So, How can I point anyone in God's direction, if I'm not pointing there myself???

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Rules???? Those don't apply to me & my family....Or do they??

I am a mom of 4 children. I have raised 3 & I was blessed with finding Sweet Hubby's daughter, big girl in the last several years. So I know a thing or 2 about just how far all kids like to push the boundaries. Mine, seem like they lived on the edge of right & wrong. I could've sworn they enjoyed being punished?!

This brings me to today's subject, it should have been written last night, but I went to bed with a major sinus headache. The subject is this.....Rules??? Which ones do we follow, others follow, or which ones can we just leave for others to follow????

Yesterday afternoon, I was blessed beyond measure with a gift of picking up Sweet Hubby from work, to return something.....ALONE, yes just me driving the hour to pick him up.......ahhhh, that's all I can think about is the calm I was blessed with to enjoy time singing worship to God, out of tune, but belting it out. After returning his item, we headed off to a home improvement store to pick up a couple of "things" Sweet Hubby needed. While we were walking down every aisle to get those "things" we hear the soft, calm, pleasing voice of a woman reciting "rules" for EVERYONE shopping in their store. The rules seem pretty common sense to me, after all we ARE in a store who keeps extra stock, stacked pretty high, so it's a safety issue thing. As a mom I hear the usual requests for parents who've brought their children.......keep you children with you at all times, don't let them run in the store, be watchful of the items they are handling.....just common sense for ANY parent, Right??!!
Then the sweet voice clearly states a "rule" that was almost funny to me, in fact I say to Sweet Hubby, who has now caught up with me.....or me with him, whichever, I ask him "who do you think that wouldn't know that??? You'd think that'd be a given, common sense even for the kids!!!!" he mumbles something about "you'd think......"

You'd think.......but just after the announcement "no rollerblading, skating, skateboarding, or using the wheels on the shoe skates" had been made, wwwhhooooshhhh goes a young man, right across the aisle in front of us, with those shoes with the wheels, wheels out & he's at top speed!! I look at my Sweet Hubby & he looks at me........of course I'm still a work in progress, this is I'm sure, pretty evident to you by now, if you've read my I say "I guess that rule doesn't apply to him. Who lets their children do something sooooo dangerous??" About that time, the mother & her younger child come walking across the aisle in front of us.......her I guess is what I thought.

So, in my life, I really feel like the LORD above is doing some major reconstruction on me & who I am lately. I also recognize that the enemy is in full play trying to keep my focus off of God. I feel like if I can't follow some simple rules, for my safety, at a store, how can I follow His Laws, which are for my eternal life? Rules that don't interfere with God's Law, are rules which God expects us to follow. I found this passage of Scriptures this morning while I was in prayer, about this blog. I think it explains God's point on the subject of breaking rules, sin.

Romans 2:12-16

New International Version (NIV)
 All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law.  For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.  (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law.  They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them.)  This will take place on the day when God judges people’s secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.

Now, I don't really have a Message Bible, though sometimes I do search my Verses on a popular Bible website, in the Message version as well to see what it says. I think in this situation, it kinda explained it in details I understood completely.....perfectly.

Romans 2:12-16

The Message (MSG)
12-13 If you sin without knowing what you’re doing, God takes that into account. But if you sin knowing full well what you’re doing, that’s a different story entirely. Merely hearing God’s law is a waste of your time if you don’t do what he commands. Doing, not hearing, is what makes the difference with God.
14-16 When outsiders who have never heard of God’s law follow it more or less by instinct, they confirm its truth by their obedience. They show that God’s law is not something alien, imposed on us from without, but woven into the very fabric of our creation. There is something deep within them that echoes God’s yes and no, right and wrong. Their response to God’s yes and no will become public knowledge on the day God makes his final decision about every man and woman. The Message from God that I proclaim through Jesus Christ takes into account all these differences.

It basically tells me what I already knew, God meets us where we are, even when we don't know it is God. But it goes deeper, saying that God put the instinct to obey "rules" in us.....we are the ones who make the choice to either listen, or not to listen. Some people think that "rules" aren't meant for them, or their they ignore that instinct, to fulfill a worldly life.

So, are you a law keeper???? Or do you think.......

Rules??? Those don't apply to me & my family......Or do they??

Thursday, May 23, 2013

I cast my cares upon You LORD........trusting Your plan, who loves me more than You Father......???

So tonight I'm soooooo excited. Tomorrow Sweet Hubby, Jr & I head up North, one of my closest, dearest bff's oldest son is graduating....we couldn't make it to the actual graduation, Sweet Hubby is already off for a 4 day weekend so we couldn't take off another day. Which matters none to me, I'm grateful to be getting out & about......the reason makes it even more exciting to me.

This bff & I have known each other for soooo many years, I just dont want to count back that far, feel to old if I do...hahaha. She has been there for me, so much I just couldn't even share all the times, or reasons. She's known me since before I was a believer. The most amazing thing about this woman, is her ability to love. She hasn't ever judged me, she's never said.......You're un-anything. She's always stood by me, she's always been a very good friend. I love this woman, like a sister, in fact I consider her my sister.

So, I'm feeling all the blessings of the LORD above tonight for sure. Funny thing is, I was pretty sure since the end of last week that I wasn't going to get to go, because of how sick I've been. Well that is a great excuse, if I was honest, which of course I will be, it's really been my lack of focus, and everything else.....I was definately in the middle of the enemy's plan for me....he loves to use the 3 D's against us....first he distracts us, then while we're distracted, he tries to divide us, usually our family's then our brothers & sister's in Christ......then while our focus is distracted & the division is starting to set in, he moves in for the kill with trying to destroy us....our faith, our relationship with God....he hates us & any little bit he can take us away from God's plan for us, makes him very happy......

The only thing is, as a believer, a follower of my Savior, Jesus Christ, all I have to have is a little hope, a little faith, trust God the size of a mustard seed!!! So, if we cast it all on God, He will take care of it all. We simply need to believe......push aside the doubt that the enemy is pushing on us. I have strength when I abide in Christ, that will never change.........I simply need to abide. Give God control of every part of our life Verses are.......

Jeremiah 29:11-13

New International Version (NIV)
 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

So, how simple is this??? Seek Him & He will share His plans to prosper & not harm us, & to give us hope & a, I'll take that. All I need to do is call on Him, pray to Him, & seek Him with ALL my heart.....not the parts I want to, but ALL the parts of not only my heart, but Me.....SIMPLE.

Today I had a shock, a surprise that made me cracked my heart a little more. But God reminded me that not only does He have plans for me......but if ANYONE, ANYONE, ANYONE seeks Him, He has a plan to prosper them, and give them hope & a I took this pain to Him. Gave it to Him......prayed for them, love & blessings......I know that both of these people I have been inspired by are believers.....they are also made of flesh......prone to worldly sin. But I know they seek Him & I know that He's working very mightily in their lives right at this moment.....I believe.

God has made a few changes in my life, and like everyone else, I dislike change. It's usually associated with some sort of pain, no gain, right??? Well, when He carries me to something, He never takes me where His Grace wont cover me, He always gives me a way out.....and He is my strength.

So, I cast my cares upon You LORD.....trusting Your plan, who loves me more than You, Father.....????

Happy Memorial Weekend 2013....thanks to all the ones who gave ALL......and their families.

Faith, it makes things possible.....Not easy

I've had this darn sinus infection & that along with this wind, has my asthma completely out of control. So if that was all I was dealing with, I could probably keep strolling along with my complete Faith intact, a sicky smile on my face & my eyes, as I always pray for, on God alone.....But this is life, we were never promised it would be easy, in fact we're warned it's going to be one trial after another, if we choose to pick up our cross & follow Christ, take Him as our Savior......our peace is promised in God, He is our peace.......

Well the whole truth is, it's not even just the illness, it's the medicine I'm taking to be able to take a inhaled steroid.....yep the roid rage.....not only is it like an uncontrollable monster mouth inside you, the bloating, the continuous hunger, but it is like the perfect spot for the enemy to get a toehold....if you take your eyes of God & allow the enemy to grab your attention, even for a moment.....God's Word tells us in,

1 Peter 5:7-9

New International Version (NIV)
 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

So, I don't know why each of the last several trials the enemy has placed in my path, has caused a hiccup & even if only for a moment, I stumbled. Yes, I , the self proclaimed woman of Faith, Redeemed by the Blood of my Savior & full in the Knowledge that all I need to do is abide in Christ & His peace carries me along...stumbled pretty hard for the last couple of weeks....not only one moment after another, but one day after another. I'm falling all over the place, it's very apparent I not focusing on my Heavenly Father. I've let myself get so self consumed, all the work He's been doing taking the me out of my heart & replacing it with Him, well it's not ruined, but only because He can't fail, if it was done on my weak accord, it would have crumbled. I was really starting to think this.....then once again He opened my eyes to see, that He is good all the time.

Over the last few years He's been trying to lead me down a path of letting Him take some people of my life. I have fought this with EVERY part of my people pleasing heart, worried about what other people thought, both believers & non believers, instead of trusting His plan for my life, or possibly theirs??!! I have been stubborn all my life, that may be an understatement, yes it is an understatement. I've lived for my flesh & strived to be right, always win, never give up the last word.....until He took one of the most important people out of my life, my mother.

She & I have never really gotten along, never. Well never that is unless I just kept my mouth shut & did as she expected me too. I've always thought I would do anything to make her proud, ANYTHING.....almost anything, never her requests to have abortions with each of my children, but to hear her say she was proud of me, I would have done alot. But still she is my only mom, and the only one of my parents left, well actually our orginal family of 4, since my Daddy passed away suddenly in 1997 & my only biological sibling, Brenda, shot herself, it was quite a difficult journey. He had to finally just work it to where she moved, in such a way that I was finally hurt enough that I understood. Surrender, true surrender brings peace, His peace.

I've learned to recognize Him moving the "furniture/people" around in my life....a WHOLE lot quicker. I was getting in His Word, following where ever He led me, did whatever I recognized His fruit within.....I was abiding in Christ....I was under His umbrella of strength, peace, & real love. Yes you read that right, I said , "I was....". I've been letting my focus be shifted, by the one I strive to keep behind my back.

That isn't the last of it Praise God, He is faithful, He is good, He is love.....He brought me out of it tonight with a shocking text on my phone. "Your mom" is trying to add you. You have 11 friends in common. To add, reply Add......I felt the same, I was shocked, but I felt the forgiveness instantly. Again, I felt God Himself say to me, "you've already forgiven her. what's your choice, keep filling up with me, or let the same old pain, drama & issues take the place of this wisdom I have for you?" "be still, I AM GOD, I AM IN CONTROL, keep your eyes on Me My child"........Not yet.

He's still working on this area of my heart, He's still teaching me the same thing.......less me, more Him.

Faith, it makes things possible......Not easy

Friday, May 17, 2013

shhhhhhhh......PRAY instead of speaking...

Matthew 12:3 (ESV)                                                                                               for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”


So, I've been very sick the last couple of asthma has been uncontrollable & steroids in my nebulizer is finally opening me up.....but the side effect of steroids, is the roid rage...uncontrollable angry outbursts. It's like you're not in your body, you're watching from inside as this monster mean girl is in control of you mouth, and actions.....for me, ugghh.

The ones who mostly suffer this wrath is my family, yep the ones I love the most. As of today, there is more here in our home. We are thrilled to have the opportunity to get the chance to build a strong relationship with my sister, and her kids, who came out from New York. We know this is a God thing, cuz we just happen to have 2 bedrooms open upstairs & I know He's bringing us together now, because we've never had the opportunity to get to know each other, our estranged mom always seemed to be in the middle of us and gossip was our best pastime together. But this year she moved 1200 miles away, and He brought my sister here. She's very outspoken, just like me & my other sister. She's about 18 years younger than me and she's just left an abusive marriage.

Also today brought our little girl & my princess back home. They are stepping back in & getting it together like mother like daughter she's very outspoken as well. So, I'm sure you're getting the picture. We all have the same genetic quality, speak before you think. Now we have all grown since being around each other, and I know that God is moving mightily in my home right now. He's definately got a great plan for these young moms & their amazing kids. I know somehow He will be using any of the 3 of us, or all/part of the 3 of us......I'm just doing my best to be still. I guess being sick has helped that.

I believe that sharing the truth with someone is awesome, if it's done within God's grace & mercy, and is His will, not ours. We run into the problem when we start to think we know better than Him what they need to hear. I have shared my main gift is Discernment, the problem I've run into with friends, family & just people I speak with, is that I am like a child with a stick of TNT. I have had no idea how to use this amazing gift He gave me....until lately. I have met someone else who truly has the same gift, true discernment.

Now she's a whole lot wiser, and learned a whole lot more already than I have. She recently shared a truth that both sank my heart & had it leaping for joy!! "God points out the truths, about these people not so we can spew it back at them, but so we can lift them right back up to Him, in prayer. If we speak this truth God shares with us, before we know what He's doing with it, the enemy can get ahold of it & use it".......WOWZERS!!!  All this time, I got these truths, they would hit me in the middle of conversations, anywhere.....I was blurting them out, I was losing people from my life left & right!?!? Praise the Lord, I had heard His message loud & clear, finally!!!

So, I know sometimes it can be easy to point our finger at someone & spew out what you believe to be truth.....but really, be still before you speak, listen for God's guidance, stop trying to do it yourself, remember this person doesn't know what God's telling you, may not even realize that this is an issue for them, so tread lightly.....don't slam them with it. Maybe God doesn't even have a plan for you to talk to the person about it at all. He's just wanting you to lift them in prayer.........


Monday, May 13, 2013

An open apology to little girl.......and my princess...spare the rod, spoil the child???

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.        Psalm 139:13-14

Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
 Proverbs 22:6

Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Proverbs 13:24

Mother's day weekend came & went for 2013, with a very important message from my Father, via my little girl.....but I tried to put a spin on it for my own desires. Little girl came and stayed a few nights with me this past week, leading up to my princess's birthday party & Mother's day. That was wonderful, it has been awhile for since we've had some time to just hang, and we got some of that!!

During our visit on Mother's day, we had the pleasure of having my little girl visit, along with her little girl, my princess. She is 2 now & she's definately in a terrible stage. Little girl is stressed out of course, just like every other mom & dad of a 2 year old. It's been difficult for this Nona to keep my big mouth shut, when it comes to her discipline techniques. She's only in her very early 20's, patience with a 2 year old, is a long way off. Right now she's just praying to make it through these fits of screaming!! Little girl has been diagnosed with fibromalgia this winter. She struggles with IBS, migraines that put her down for the count, and with ignorance of those who either dont believe in fibro, or think she's just too young to have this diagnosis. I give it to God, not only does she know her pain & struggles, but He has known about them since before she was thought of, since the beginning of time. So, my thought is, give it to her Creator, the One Who knit her together in side of me. But, these struggles do get in the way of her everyday life, and they cause her added stress.

But, I have never seen her abuse my princess, she's strict, like I was. My thoughts as I parent are always along the lines of these....teach them to serve others, before themselves....teach them manners, old school real manners, not the pretend to the outside world's face manners of soooo many kids today...I taught them that when you are employed by someone, you work to earn the money they are giving you, not to expect something for nothing like the ways of the world....I taught them to fight for the slow to anger, and slow to speak, because they can't get a word in, until I'm done.....I taught them to help whoever they can, whenever they can. Sooooo many things, I learned from my dad, some from my mom, mostly what I learned from her, since I can remember anyways, is it's all about her. Since having our youngest, Jr, I have this new patience, a patience that comes with age, wisdom & eventually God. So little girl & Sr think I spoil Jr., they don't understand, that with each of them, since they are at least 7 years apart, I was a different mom with each of them, depending on my stage in life. Just like Sr says, little girl is spoiled, she got away with everything...and little girl says the same about Jr....and now Jr says the same thing about the grandkids.......But my values & character expectations haven't changed....just my level of patience & my reactions to the fits.

Little girl is a good mommy, she gives my princess a warning, then if my princess doesn't stop, start, or put it back, etc...she gets whatever punishment that little girl deems appropriate for the disobedience. She's not overly harsh, overly powerful in her spankings, she doesn't let the anger get the best of her & hit out of anger!! She simply gives a cause for the discipline, then disciplines, then gives the cause again, and asks if she understands.....of course my princess will cry with a broken heart and run to Nona & yell Nona all the way to me....."Nona help me" over and over....I'm Nona, she's my princess.....this kills me everytime. So I suggest an alternative to corporal punishment, and offer up time outs.....offer to buy the chair, keep one here too, but little girl flatly refuses and tells me "no I'm her mother, and I choose the discipline plan, not you" I try to protest & keep explaining that now that I'm older I now understand that time outs work she says & then refuses to talk about it. So I back off.

Then last night, today & tonight.....God shares His msg for this post. I think, oh no really, admit I'm wrong in public, where everyone who cares to read my blog will know I'm still stumbling, over & over....but as a Scripture comes & I share it, God reaches out & grabs my focus......research my parenting I knit you, how sparing the rod, will spoil the child, and how this is His command. So I did apologize for only seeing the Nona's heart side, not her mommy's heart side. Her desire to bring her up the way God commands us to, entrusts us to.

So, little girl, I apologize for not speaking advice that lines up with God's Word, that is my heart are an amazing mommy, you inspire me to love more, show my love to those I love more openly, more frequently. Your heart to help others, love others & teach my princess, is such a gift!!! I love you my girlfriend, always here for you, never over crowded for you, always have ears to listen & a Bible to share.....praying for you & trusting God's plan for you sweet little girl!!

This Nona knows her boundaries, spare the rod, spoil the child.....

Sunday, May 12, 2013

A Mother is a teacher of Faith, a giver of Hope and God's earthly example of love....

So, I'm 47 years old, and at times I think I need my mom...then my Heavenly Father takes me by the hand, and whatever the reason was, that I was thinking I needed my mom for, He holds me in His grace and speaks ever so gently to me....."Come unto me, Abide in me & you will have my peace".......and of course He is right, He can never fail. So, though I love my mom dearly, at this time God has a different plan for us. A plan to give us each hope and a future, not to harm favorite Scripture tells me this Truth, God's Truth. So I trust, and be still, which is a difficult thing for me to do, be still. But this Mother's Day, the only one left in my immediate family, besides my mom, is my sister, & she is here. For the first time since she was a teenager, we are under one roof, and I have to be honest, I've got this peace, Jesus's peace......God is good all the time!!!

Matthew 10:34-36 clearly says Jesus's intention.........“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.  For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.  And a person's enemies will be those of his own household.

Well this rings true in my life. My mom & I no longer have any contact, sounds sad, but let me open up this can of worms. What better day to do it than Mother's Day, the day I should be spending time with my mom....but that is not God's plan for me at this point in my life. Sometimes, like today, I can't help but say some extra prayers for her & hope she's happy. I'm feeling pretty sure that I wont see my mom again......but then again, God's the Author, I'm simply the talent living out His story, my life. But this year, we really only saw each other a few times. That isn't really that different from other years we just couldn't get along. These last several years of my life, I've been fumbling around trying to live the life God has planned for me. Not that I haven't failed several times, I have, but the last couple of years I really am beginning to hear God guiding me.....and so I will react a little quicker to His molding. His plan for my relationship with my mom, is to move her across the country, with out a word from her.....the latter part of the plan, really isn't His choice, it was hers. But today, it is hard....until I approach my Father in prayer & ask Him to keep my eyes focused on Him, no pain.

But, as if in answer to the prayers I pray continually, and especially about my kids. I not only pray it, but ask for prayer for it, anytime I can!!!  He blessed me with a view of me, through Sweet Hubby's, Jr's, and little girls eyes!!! This view was detailed today at church, when the guest Pastor spoke, he said, "we're God's plan A & there is no plan B!"........that is a strong statement....true, but strong......he shared that our lives, choices, who we are in God, are in plain view at all times, not only by God, but by others as well....I'm paraphrasing what I heard in His message via a wonderful guest Pastor from Central Christian, Pastor Cal. His finishing message was the kicker for me......I am the one eyed, cataract in the other, covered in muck, ugly pug......but I'm no longer that version of me, no now I'm the one who is taken and bathed, God took me into His family, He's cleaning me up!!!

I'm the one who has the family who loves me dearly, and something that speaks their love loud & clear is this......the cards they shared with me today, Mother's Day, 2013.......this day God chose to speak to this mom, through her family......each of their cards had the same description idea of me, their wife/mom....the description of what they see when they look at me, covered in sin, or covered in grace.......they see my faith, they see God, the center of I have cried tears of joy today, felt elated, lifted praise & let me say, give Him all the glory for who I am......I am a daughter of the Most High Father.....I am REDEEMED in Him......I am loved, but most of all, there is less me, and more Him.....and my family, they see that.

Sweet hubby just reinforced my joy today when he shared that Jr, read and picked his card for me, and little girl got hers a month ago.....and in it, it says......You are a beautiful reflection of God's love.......

Happy mom's day, if you are a mom......if you are one of soooo many who struggle with infertility, miscarriages, and everything that goes along with those issues, please know that I'll be lifting you in prayer on this day........God is good & He has a plan to give us believers hope & a future.....

So, my prayer is always that I will be a teacher/example of Faith, that I will be a giver of Hope, and most of all, God's earthly example of Love......always.....

Saturday, May 11, 2013

I'll just be your +1....

Well I finally found my blog again.....I couldn't find it last night to post this entry I wanted to. I'm not very technicallly apt. This is why I fought hard and long against the tugging I have been feeling for the last few months.......but once again He answered my begging to get this into words, before I forgot what I wanted to share!! So here I am :-)

For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them in chains of darkness to be held for judgement, if He did not spare the anicient world when  He brought the flood on it's ungodly people, but protected Noah..........if this is so, then the LORD knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the punishment on the day of judgement.   2 Peter 2:4-5; 9.

Friday was a wonderful day. I hadn't seen little girl or my princess in it seemed like forever....probably really only a couple weeks, and though my princess was with her daddy, little girl was over for a couple of nights so we could get my princess's "Princess Barbie cake & her court of mini Princess Barbie cupcakes," along with shopping and all the other things we had to do to be ready by today...the exciting 2nd birthday party for my princess!! So, needless to say, I was excited.
If that was the only thing happening, it would have been enough, but my sister/niece and her kids have recently arrived from New York & a very stressful reason for their departure & visit with us, has her stressed out. But due to a past with my biological mother, we really never had the chance to get to know each other, since she has grown up....... This relationship dynamic, I'll address in more detail, at a later date. It's just to complicated for it's just the 3 of us, enjoying driving with the windows down, in the beautiful sunshine, with the Christian radio station blaring.....coming up on a light it turns yellow just before we get to it, so I go through it. Little girl says, "mom, be careful you could kill us & this ain't no Jesus take the wheel!!" I reply, "well it was safer to go through then to slam on the brakes. besides that, it's all good, I know I'm going to see Jesus when I leave this world, and so are you!!!" But the thought raced into my my sister saved, has she taken Jesus as the LORD of her life, and Savior??? "except for you sis, unless you're saved???" Her reply brought a roar of laughter so loud, all driving around us probably heard the 3 of us!!! "well you can just say I'm your +1!!!" Instantly, God spoke through the tears of laughter, this is your blog subject......share my message, my truth about whether someone can tag along into Heaven, as a +1......

So, now I'm thinking, God, You would take me, my daughter, but not my sister?? Yes, He will. Truth, it stings sometimes, but it points us to the pain free zone of God's Will. The sting, can be a wake up call at times. It sure was for me, when I really accepted Jesus as the Lord of my life, and became a daughter to the Most High Father. I suddenly had the realization, that yes I will be joining Jesus in eternal life. I have NO doubt what so ever, who I'll be living with forever, after this world. I'll be going home, where I do belong, to live to worship and praise God continually forever!!!!

This world gives us an opposite lie. Every thing here is about selfish desires, and fulfilling every one, any time. But stop and think about the ruler that's in this world, it's the enemy. God is light, satan is darkness.....God is always good, can never fail, knows our every thought, wish, our true heart. The enemy is evil, I've read the last chapter, he loses, he can't read our thoughts, wishes, or hearts....satan has to rely on hearing our weaknesses. I'm beginning to be able to see whether there's fruit or not in a situation. If there's good fruit, and it lines up with God's Word, there's a peace, an unreal calmness. If it's bad fruit, or no fruit, it's uproar, uncomfortable, guilt, stress....doesn't line up with God's Word.

I am still a weak sinner, but He's changing me from the inside out!!! My prayer is always that people see Him, not I'm still a work in progress, but He's always got perfect timing. But, remember, we only have a certain amount of time, and it is written that only God knows the last day, no one else....not even the Son. When you die, it's too late to accept Jesus as your Savior......and none of us can take you with us into the Kingdom of God, as our +1.

Are you hoping to be someone's +1????

Saved only by the Grace of God,

Friday, May 10, 2013

This is it.......stepping out in total faith.

So let me start off with a simple disclaimer:
This is the first time I've ever attempted to blog. But I've shared with a few of my closest friends, that I feel a calling from the LORD to share. So here I go, fumbling through like a clumsy woman trying to learn to dance. But I'm excited, nervous, and thrilled all at the same time. So, I have known for several years now, that I've been blessed with 2 gifts from God. They are Faith & Discernment. The first is something that I'm learning will test & grow, continually. The second is, another, much wiser sister in Christ recently shared with me, "the gift of discernment, is a lonely road at times" I want everyone who decides to read my blog to know a couple of very important pieces of truth. First, I believe with every part of me, that God has a plan to use this blog, for His glory, while growing me in my relationship with Him. Second, this is me, inside my heart, these are my thoughts, feelings, messages, so please if you don't agree, that's great, but please do not judge, thanks. Also, comments are welcome, as long as they are not attacking, but positive, if something I'm sharing doesn't line up with what you think/believe, no problem, just don't use profanity, abusive language, or any names on this page, thanks all...........away we go!!!!

So, let me start with telling you a little about me. I'm a 47 year old Christian woman, mom, and Nona...others use the name grandma, grammy, etc...I chose Nona so that I'll know my grandkids when they call me, anywhere!! I am married to a very hard working, handsome, God loving man, who leads our home, the way God calls him to....he's very patient, gentle, mostly quiet man, let's call him, "Sweet Hubby." Together, we have 4 wonderful, most of the time, children. Our oldest son, we will call him "Sr" he has a son, our youngest grandson, they live about 2,000 miles away. Our oldest daughter, we will call her "Big girl", she has our oldest grandson, they live about 1500 miles away. Then there's our youngest daughter, we'll call her "little girl", she has our only grand daughter, who we will call "my princess" just for truthful purposes. Rounding out our children, is our wonderful, amazing, sweet late in life blessing, our youngest son, so we will call him "jr."  Oh let's not forget my horse, oops I mean giant Golden Retriever, named "Trinity".

So, now that we have that illustrated for you, I can really begin my first real blog.

I want to begin by sharing that I am a Christ following Christian, I'm living for Him. I was saved several years ago, but never fullly surrendered to Him and knew that I was going to Heaven, until a year or so ago. I never understood that there wasn't anything I could do, to go to Heaven. I could never be nice enough, never rich enough, never perfect enough, never help others enough, etc..until I found the church family we belong to. I learned that there was only ONE way to Heaven, and that it didn't  involve anything I did, but something that God did. John 3:16 tells us this.....God so loved us, that He gave His only son for us. Because He did this, I am now have the ability to make the choice to accept His Son, Jesus Christ, as my Savior.....that is it. Nothing else.  I wasn't raised in the church, I did attend a few Baptist churches, a Catholic church with a friend a few times, but most of my life growing up was not spent learning about Salvation, for sure. I lived for myself, most of my life. Having pre-marital sex, which led to giving birth to each of the children God blessed me with, out of wedlock. It also led to not only a tubal pregnancy, but also an adoption of a son. I do believe wholeheartedly in Pro-Life. I also believe that God had plans to bring a very special family, a very special little boy. So my decision to find a couple, and give them a son to adopt, was very positive. Never a regret. Just peace. I suffered through many years of wild cycles, before being diagnosed at 19 with Bi-Polar Disease. Then began the many years, on again, off again, of being medicated. There were so many I can't remember each one, or the names of them??? Struggled through years of addiction to meth.....the ultimate destruction of every part of your life....I lost my Daddy at the height of my addiction....broke this Daddy's girls heart into soooo many pieces! Moved several states away from my home, family, everything I ever knew.....with nothing but my kids, my dog, my car & my addiction...God brought Sweet Hubby into our lives just after the tubal pregnancy, the very moment I looked into his eyes for the first time ever, my soul told me that this was HIM.....we became friends, then we got untangled, moved in together, and became a family. We both worked so hard, at the same company, we were rolling along so well. Then my Bi-Polar kicked in and around and around we went on the crazy cycle, for a couple of years. We ended up back in my home state, in the heat of the summer living in my mom's garage with no air conditioning, on an air mattress. My only biological sibling, my sister, also struggled with the same Bi-Polar, but she was choosing to self medicate and isolate from the family, decided she couldn't keep fighting the addiction demons, the untreated mental health issues any longer. So, one crisp spring night, she loaded a 10mm handgun, with a hollowpoint bullet, put the trigger somewhere near her beautiful face, and pulled the trigger.......her Bible was found near her open, on the open page, she wrote "God please take the pain, I can't take the pain".....I pray she had Salvation. I found out I was pregnant, and Sweet Hubby (we weren't married yet) moved out, he just couldn't ride the crazy train anymore. God reached out through a cousin, we grew up very close, lived our own lives for years, but God had brought them back into our lives. They took me to my first Christian church. The part that spoke to my heart was the Worship band.....the music, singing praise to God. I sobbed through the singing and the sermon. God was tugging so very hard, but I was stubborn, so worldly, just buried deep in to selfish living, so I walked away, lost. But after having our wonderful blessing, Sweet Hubby and I reunited. Struggled through so many different situations, hardships, life.....just life. Finally, we were at a point where we had no where to turn, we saw a sign for our church....we didn't go that week.....but the next week we decided what do we have to lose??? God grabbed my heart, I felt a difference, a longing for something I knew I needed and wanted, a peace......we went several times, but then the church moved to another location. We stopped going, then we moved in the same neighborhood as them, we saw a sign.....and back we went. We went every week, we joined a small group for couples, met some amazing people. Several that were just as new to learning about Christianity as we last, at last God caught me. Sweet Hubby and I both felt God calling us to live more like Him, and get married....unite with Him as one, so we did. We were going on and off, living for God on an off for a few years. But then God used a very amazing woman in Christ to share His Truths with me, when I started attending a womans Bible study. He has waited for us many times, patiently each time.....until we come back and surrender more and more to Him! I figured out what my gifts were a few years ago, but had no idea where they were most useful, until just this month! God used each of my struggles, trials, and painful times of my life to try to get me to realize just one truth.....He created me to be complete in Him. Until I found Him, reallly found Him, by surrendering to Him, I searched for what would be enough.....never finding enough, but He is enough. I've realized that I can do anything through Him, and that He gives me strength, without Him I am nothing!!! Now I live to be a beacon for Him, I want others to see Him in me, and want to have what I have, God.

Here I am, after several months of feeling the tugging to do a blog, instead of trying to share via my facebook statuses....a mile long, He can use me to share His Truth from this woman. One path He's leading our family down is homeschooling my youngest son. This I fought long and hard, purely selfish reasons, but I fought just the same. But as usual, He was right and very kind about letting me learn this point.

I know that I may say things that cause you to feel a tinge of either guilt or conviction. The latter is ok, sorry I know I will be sand paper to other believers, and those that are meandering around His invitation to Salvation, I'm still a work in progress so please extend me God's grace. But the guilt is not from God, it's the enemy trying to make you feel unworthy, unwanted, and distract you from the Truth that God meets you where you are, whatever path you're on He can find you and guide you to a much more blessed path. Please address the enemy immediately and rebuke his tricks, let the peace of God cover you instead.

So, this is it.......I'm stepping out in total faith, and trusting God's plan to give me hope and a future, and giving Him my hands, feet, and use this daughter.......