I've had this darn sinus infection & that along with this wind, has my asthma completely out of control. So if that was all I was dealing with, I could probably keep strolling along with my complete Faith intact, a sicky smile on my face & my eyes, as I always pray for, on God alone.....But this is life, we were never promised it would be easy, in fact we're warned it's going to be one trial after another, if we choose to pick up our cross & follow Christ, take Him as our Savior......our peace is promised in God, He is our peace.......
Well the whole truth is, it's not even just the illness, it's the medicine I'm taking to be able to take a breath.....an inhaled steroid.....yep the roid rage.....not only is it like an uncontrollable monster mouth inside you, the bloating, the continuous hunger, but it is like the perfect spot for the enemy to get a toehold....if you take your eyes of God & allow the enemy to grab your attention, even for a moment.....God's Word tells us in,
1 Peter 5:7-9
New International Version (NIV)
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
So, I don't know why each of the last several trials the enemy has placed in my path, has caused a hiccup & even if only for a moment, I stumbled. Yes, I , the self proclaimed woman of Faith, Redeemed by the Blood of my Savior & full in the Knowledge that all I need to do is abide in Christ & His peace carries me along...stumbled pretty hard for the last couple of weeks....not only one moment after another, but one day after another. I'm falling all over the place, it's very apparent I not focusing on my Heavenly Father. I've let myself get so self consumed, all the work He's been doing taking the me out of my heart & replacing it with Him, well it's not ruined, but only because He can't fail, if it was done on my weak accord, it would have crumbled. I was really starting to think this.....then once again He opened my eyes to see, that He is good all the time.
Over the last few years He's been trying to lead me down a path of letting Him take some people of my life. I have fought this with EVERY part of my people pleasing heart, worried about what other people thought, both believers & non believers, instead of trusting His plan for my life, or possibly theirs??!! I have been stubborn all my life, that may be an understatement, yes it is an understatement. I've lived for my flesh & strived to be right, always win, never give up the last word.....until He took one of the most important people out of my life, my mother.
She & I have never really gotten along, never. Well never that is unless I just kept my mouth shut & did as she expected me too. I've always thought I would do anything to make her proud, ANYTHING.....almost anything, never her requests to have abortions with each of my children, but to hear her say she was proud of me, I would have done alot. But still she is my only mom, and the only one of my parents left, well actually our orginal family of 4, since my Daddy passed away suddenly in 1997 & my only biological sibling, Brenda, shot herself, it was quite a difficult journey. He had to finally just work it to where she moved, in such a way that I was finally hurt enough that I understood. Surrender, true surrender brings peace, His peace.
I've learned to recognize Him moving the "furniture/people" around in my life....a WHOLE lot quicker. I was getting in His Word, following where ever He led me, did whatever I recognized His fruit within.....I was abiding in Christ....I was under His umbrella of strength, peace, & real love. Yes you read that right, I said , "I was....". I've been letting my focus be shifted, by the one I strive to keep behind my back.
That isn't the last of it Praise God, He is faithful, He is good, He is love.....He brought me out of it tonight with a shocking text on my phone. "Your mom" is trying to add you. You have 11 friends in common. To add, reply Add......I felt the same, I was shocked, but I felt the forgiveness instantly. Again, I felt God Himself say to me, "you've already forgiven her. what's your choice, keep filling up with me, or let the same old pain, drama & issues take the place of this wisdom I have for you?" "be still, I AM GOD, I AM IN CONTROL, keep your eyes on Me My child"........Not yet.
He's still working on this area of my heart, He's still teaching me the same thing.......less me, more Him.
Faith, it makes things possible......Not easy