Sunday, October 19, 2014

for you my sweet little girl...

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
                                                                                    Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)

Dear Daughter,

Today, you showed me what "complete faithfulness" looks like. I am so overwhelmed with emotion & you are continuing to lay back in the comfort & peace that is our Daddy God. I can not begin to tell you how strong you are. Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience with me & allowing me to watch the amazingly, beautiful & perfect plans He has for completely into a future filled with hope!!!

Way back when this whole journey started, in the car after the dr's appt, you opened up & showed me your vulnerable side. You struggled against the enemy & ways of the world, & almost gave in....but Daddy God had a bigger plan. I'm grateful for your faith...I think with out it the world would have missed out on this amazing testimony & the wonderful testimony of the next generation. I know that would've been a huge loss.

I've been in the bubble of peace & joy with you today. I know this is not a temporary bubble, this is the one that God promised you....when He whispered His plan quietly into your ear. His timing is perfect as always. Let me tell you that I'm here...I'm praying for you & I love you truly, with a deep heart love. I will be here always.

Tonight as I lay down, after sharing the emotions, the joy & the excitement of this day...I will whisper to our Daddy God a prayer of thanksgiving for a daughter who inspired me & showed me what becoming Christlike is. I will pray that He continues to protect & speak truth into your sweet, loving heart. I will also be asking that He deafen your ears to the hurtful things those who don't understand will be saying.

                                                    A proud mom...& friend.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

I see the mirror's reflection now....

I can't even imagine how God can continually look through His "Daddy eyes" at each of us. I have 4 children & 5 grandchildren & I can honestly say most of the time....I'm squinting through my "mama eyes" at them & their choices. I'm learning, very slowly since I can tend to be stubborn & a know it all, that children grow up...they mirror what they see...from a very early age. Now I know this isn't news to most of us...but I am amazed daily by choices made???

Lately God is doing exactly as I keep begging Him to do. My prayers & conversations with my Daddy lately have included a whole lot of me asking Him to cleanse my heart, send me & break my heart for what breaks His. This last one, I'm learning, is the subject of this post...I love it when He gives me the "ahhhaaa" moment during the writing of the actual post, He has perfect timing. Back to the requests I have been making on a daily basis, most of the time many times a day!! Asking...NO begging my Daddy to make me more like only desire is to be completely & openly obedient to my Creator, so others will see His heart for them through me & my life....WHO I am, ALWAYS bringing Him glory. Whether it is through accepting accountability when I am, or the tiniest detail in the biggest choices of my life. I want EVERY part of who I am & how I live to point to my Daddy God.

Through living my life I learned so many things. Some good, others not so much, but ALL were necessary to make me who I am today. To bring me to this point in my walk with my Daddy. A point that has taken many steps along a broken path. Broken by my choices, my plans, my emotional making & trying to live out my plans with a deceitful human heart. Wow talk about losing because of my choices. My children have been with me for 29+ years of my path. They've had to suffer the consequences of too many of my plans & choices, through no fault of their own. They enjoyed the blessings of when I've chosen to listen to my Daddy's plans & obey them.

So, when they start making choices of their own imagine my surprise when they made the same choices I did??? They lived through the pain, struggle, loss & brokenness that came with my choices because they were children & had to...but when given the chance to make their own choices they mirror mine??? Mine, the choices & plans that caused not only me pain & suffering, but them as well....huh??? Don't they remember?? I do, I remember!!!

The mama in me wants to save them from the same pain & struggle, so I try to tell them what to do, or not do. But, they are strong minded, a mirror of me. So I will try to remind them of my struggle & pain in a similar choice....of course the mama in me wants them to not remember it was my choice I'm speaking of so I leave out some parts of the struggles & pain. Eventually I will expose the whole truth & then give them the apology I owe them. They are ALL always so good to me about it & I know this is God in them, a mirror of me...sorry this truth has brought tears to these old "mama eyes" at the moment I'm trying to type through water goggles...

Thank You Daddy for Your Amazing Grace for this daughter!!!

Once again His timing is perfect. Just as I was gonna lose focus & allow lies from the enemy to cloud His message, He shows me Whose message this is....HIS & shocks me back to the truth that I will always be a mirror to my children & grandchildren. Whether I'm making choices that shine His glory now or choices that will eventually shine His glory, I'm a mirror.  I can choose to mirror the world's choices, or I can choose to mirror His choices. But whatever I choose will be mirrored to those around me.

So with my "mama eye's" I can see where some of their choices will take them before they make them. Most of the time it's because I've already made the same choice & seen what that path looked like for me. I can look back & see where my Daddy was trying to guide me & lead me away from the wrong choices. I can now relate to how He felt each time I made a choice with my naïve human heart & chose to ignore His guidance. How I will finally just listen to His whispers to step back & let Him have them. BOOM there it is!!!

He shared it with me at that moment...I cant expect my children to learn to listen to Him & trust it's Him, if I'm not. Because they are still mirroring me. I'm still trying to have control...I should be pointing them to God continually. They should be directed to Him by my choices, my actions, who I mirror. They should be mirroring Him, listening to Him, following His His mirror to their children.

My prayer for my children is that they will see God in me, all around me & my life. I pray I am a faithful mirror of obedience to my Daddy, for every one I ever see....especially my children & grandchildren. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Please feel free to read through my past posts & share anything that God puts on your heart!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

On your face, not your knees....doing life with my little girl

This is just gonna be a quick post...or that's what I think?? We will see what our Lord has in store. I was looking for a verse this morning. I have NO idea what verse, I only know I'm searching for it. I am a procrastinator when it comes to something that is work to me, but when I'm doing something I love to do...well let's just say if you look up the phrase OCD, it would have the definition with my picture. I recognize this is a struggle for me. I also recognize this is a piece of me that God warms regularly to make me rely on Him. I believe that He will, in His perfect time, burn away all the worldliness & I will have peace in this area of me.

Back to today, I was searching for a verse. I still haven't found it. But I trust my Daddy & I know that He will give it to me. For now I will simply share the feelings in this current valley. Mixed.....and there it is, the verse. Let me get that before I forget...

                   9 “The heart is deceitful above all things,
                                                           And desperately wicked;
                                                                                          Who can know it?
                                                                                                               Jeremiah 17:9 (NKJV)
This is the verse He just whispered in my ear as I started the sentence about my "Mixed feelings." My heart is tugging me one way & my soul a completely different way....His way, the right way. That's what my mind defines as mixed feelings. The world will judge the choice my child is considering, finding a much needed peace in. They will say things that will make my heart leap at them with every bit of my mama instincts....instincts modeled after His when melded down to the purest form. Instincts to protect my child. You see she's at a Y in her path. She can choose the path that will be hard on her but God's will, or she can choose to follow her heart....her human flesh heart. She seems to have found peace in a path that is NOT taken by MANY at all...not voluntarily anyways.
The moment she shared her choice with me, I have to say I was a little surprised, but I had the peace she had...not her peace, but a peace from my Savior all my own. I completely felt like this is the right choice...God's plan. I did the usual human questioning that will ultimately be a part of her future...this future. She just explained that it is strange but she finally has some peace. The peace she was chasing for so long actually. She didn't choose to follow the deceitful heart, the heart of flesh & this world, she's choosing to follow His Truth, His plan & do what He's asking her to do.
I will get back on here soon & share the whole amazing testimony, but right now I just found out sweet hubby was laid off of his temporary job I need to get to filing his unemployment...thank You Jesus for always taking care of us!!!