Sunday, January 17, 2016

Are you sharing "your" message, or "His"...

 As I shared in several of my posts God pretty much has to sit me down in front of the laptop to get me to share His whispers through this blog...that isn't me bragging, no that is actually me realizing that a simple "yes" is ALL He's asking for...He will do the work, I just have to make the choice to say a simple "yes" Today I opened up my Bible to get my notebook out of it, this card fell out....

God reached out and grabbed my attention with this simple card...I dont have any clue how long it's been in my Bible...I only know that it was attached to a whisper from my Faithful Poppa God today and so I said "yes"
Just as soon as I said "yes" He was faithful to fill my heart with a longing to know "why" this Verse? "what" does it have to do with this subject?? "how" can it reach out and grab others attention??? I began my search for His hidden TREASURE in different translations...I found these 2 grabbed me in the same way as the card...then I heard Poppa God whispers His "yes" to me...
Just as there are many parts to our bodies, so it is with Christ’s body. We are all parts of it, and it takes every one of us to make it complete, for we each have different work to do. So we belong to each other, and each needs all the others.
Romans 12:4-5 TLB

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we’re talking about is Christ’s body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn’t amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.
Romans 12:4-6 MSG

As I read and re-read this whisper of wisdom...I began to hear His whispers from the sermon yesterday..."You want control...You want to make everything your own...You dont want to work for it or wait for it...You just want it, NOW." You start out walking along with Me and having complete trust in Me...after a while when it gets hard, or repetative You veer off...onto your own path...or You start letting the praise of friends become what fulfills you, instead of giving the glory to Me, the One Who's moving these mountains, you start accepting the glory for "yourself." Then He led me blindly to THIS wisdom...

God didn’t send me out to collect a following for myself, but to preach the Message of what he has done, collecting a following for him. And he didn’t send me to do it with a lot of fancy rhetoric of my own, lest the powerful action at the center—Christ on the Cross—be trivialized into mere words.
1 Corinthians 1:17 MSG

Of course He knows this, so He gives me the choice. I can choose to share "His" message, or I can choose to share "my" message. God will work through me, if only I choose to say "yes" to Him working in me. He can still teach others through my life, whether I say "yes" to Him or "yes" just determines whether I am an example of what "not to do"...or I am an example of what "to do" me it's like my before and during/after pictures. The before is an example of where I say "yes" and  He starts my journey and the during/after pictures are the example of where He is taking me.

God will move mountains out of my way when I say "yes" to His plan. In the instant He knows I agree, He will begin His work. His mercy, comfort and peace begin...even as He walks me into the darkest places of my heart...I will be completely immersed in Him...The places I dont share with ANY other person...the places that hurt so badly... that I dont ever dare to look into them...the deepest darkest places that I have dumped the worst secrets...the ones I've been conditioned to believe since the MOMENT God brought me into this world that NO ONE would accept...THOSE dungeons that satan will use to hide out and wreak havoc and chaos continuously. ALL the while I'm choosing to believe the lies that I've been "conditioned" to accept as "ok"...the ones satan uses to keep guard of his dungeons...lies like "no one can see this part of can NEVER be free of this...they will NEVER accept you...Even God wont forget this one"... It's MY CHOICE to choose to believe satan and his lies...OR GOD AND HIS TRUTH...God WILL bring His LIGHT into ANY darkness...ANY kind of darkness and the darkness WILL become LIGHT...God's showing me that satan's lies become truths in my mind if I choose to live within the "conditioning" of this world...BUT if I even have a moment of light...God KNOWS my heart and THAT INSTANT...HE WILL MOVE THAT MOUNTAIN and I WILL walk RIGHT through the FLAME and NOT be even WARMED by it...

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
Isaiah 43:2 NLT

The ONLY thing I have to do is choose WHO to believe...will I believe the lies that keep me in constant turmoil...the lies I've allowed to become truths in my broken mind? Will I choose to live deep in the sadness, jealousy, anger, bitterness and unforgiveness that satan has "conditioned" me to believe are all I am worthy of?? Will I choose to keep holding satan's hand??? Or will I choose to believe what God has promised me? Will I choose to look back and see God's Hands at work?? Will I choose to believe that EVEN in the MOST difficult and painful seasons I CAN have God's peace, joy, mercy, LOVE and most of all I have God's forgiveness??? Will I believe that my worth is in GOD? that He defines me?? Will I finally allow God to lift the "conditions" off Him???  Will I finally SURRENDER and give God all of me, not just what I think He will accept????

I think that when I decided to finally SURRENDER to God's calling in the very beginning...I expected my life to suddenly become "perfect" and when it became "harder"...the old me came up very quickly and very easily. I complained and moaned about why? where is God? when does this get easy? I remember being afraid to voice these complaints to God...of course I loudly voiced them to ANYONE who would listen around me...but I thought if I didnt say it to Him, He wouldnt know...I had to start somewhere, right? God DIDNT promise me that having a relationship with Him would make my life "perfect" my way...He promises me that it WILL get harder...this is taking me years to learn. I am still learning this, the HARD way.

The reality is that God knew this about me. He knew that I was going to be stubborn. He knew I was gonna have to learn EVERYTHING the hard way. That I would question each and every single reason. When the world tells me that I should just fall in line and be politically like everyone else...I just dont accept that. I will dig and find the answers. He knit me together, He put each and every part of me together before He made the world. He gave me every characteristic, defect purposely. Every single part of me was created to fit perfectly into my place in the body of be the vessel for Him to fill... He created in me, a unique, beautiful daughter of the MOST HIGH KING...He has been shaping me since He brought me into the world to be a light in this world. 

God uses my challenges to challenge those He places in my life. He will light someone else's path through the good and bad choices I make. If I choose to abide in Him while He walks me through a deep dark valley, even if I stumble He can work through both non believers and believers...He will build my faith and at the same time He will ignite or build the faith in those around me. 

As I trust God more, it shows in my life. The more I trust Him regardless of the circumstances I face, the more He reaches with His message. The more people He can love through me. Some times simply being still is all He wants me to do. These are probably some of my most challenging moments. I want to "fix" everything for those I love. I want to "save" them the pain that I had to learn from...God's message to me has been very plain that if I dont step back and take all my "conditions" off Him and give Him the space He needs to build their faith...they wont learn to rely on Him, they will still turn to me. Basically what He said to me yesterday is that I am stunting their faith with my "saving" them.

God is uncontrollable & uncontainable...He will outgrow ANY box I try to put Him in.


Thursday, January 14, 2016

Life with Nona: "when you can't go home...without conditions..."

Life with Nona: "when you can't go home...without conditions...":   He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. He stood up ...

"when you can't go home...without conditions..."

He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. He stood up to read,,,All spoke well of him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from his lips. “Isn’t this Joseph’s son?” they asked,, “Truly I tell you,” he continued, “no prophet is accepted in his hometown.,
Luke 4:16a, 22 & 24
Well I finally gave in and sat down to purge some old stuff...things that I only just realized...I was still holding onto. I am ready to let this go and open up some space for more of God in me, the deepest parts of me. So this is MY testimony...on what I learned recently...
I went to my regular Saturday afternoon service this past weekend...I LOVE my time with church, or home...really anywhere. This past weekend was amazing. I prayed for a day or two before to get a message on a certain situation and relationship...He did NOT make me wait. From the moment I began the drive I could feel His presence deep in me. He built the excitement all the way there, then He MET me in the depths of my worship and while I had my hands lifted and my heart was completely EXPOSED I physically felt Him lean down and blow on the embers of faith in my heart physically warmed and a calm mixed with the most joyous peace started to completely envelope me...filling my lungs with a new breath...His breathand from my heart down to the tips of my toes and up to the very end of each hair...tears rolled down my face...tears that He named as they dropped into His palm...guilt, shame, anger, bitterness, unforgivness...with each one I felt something lifting...felt the freedom and lightness I was getting used to being my comfort zone...before I stepped back into the past.
As the Pastor started, I heard God whisper...."be still..." I got the answer to many questions. Some I hadnt even thought of yet...He has been giving me words for several days. Of course I tried to put it off...until He sits me down and gives me the words He wants to share...usually it takes a pretty good amount of pressure until I give in. I am stubborn...for as long as I can remember, I've been stubborn. As I sit down and begin to type I  realize what He's given me...a TREASURE to share...His reminds me of the last time I was too stubborn to share His more tears.
God's been teaching me something about weight over the last year. He has walked me through losing 100 pounds. He taught me when I was full, He showed me what foods work with my body better...He got me to get up and move, whether it was to clean, shop, or workout at the gym. As of November I had lost over 100 pounds. None of this was easy...NOT one part of was a struggle to continuously say "no" to foods I loved...stop eating when I was full, not just binge through emotions, habits and was physically painful for me to get up for myself, it still hurts when I get up for the first several steps I waddle...but God asked me daily to make choices...He asked me to choose Him...each time. In His strength I was able to make these choices...not mine. He was right  there to show me what my choices were changing...not only on the outside....but also on the inside. Then I stumbled...I "went home" was easier to go back to my past coping techniques at "home."
I saw just how little strength I had in this any struggle. I learned that every bit of work He did in me could crumble in an instant...all I had to do was make the choice to believe a lie...which led to making another and another...until I was fighting myself to keep making choices like God never trimmed away the lies that had become the layers of "who" I was...that I am the same person...the old me.
While I was dredging through this dirty old place I heard God say "you're not where I am taking you...but you're not who you were..." That was enough to make me choose His plan again...until I gave into the temptation to fill the empty painful areas with the food again trying to "show" someone I want to make make love make happy, that God is changing me...He is moving mountains in me...He is making me like Him...He really is
I'm learning, one step at a time, that we are born with NO condtions...we are His workmanship...we have no conditions placed on us to perform. We are raised by parents that were raised by parents...on and on the history goes. Through each generation the parents bring their "conditions" from their some families their conditions are unattainable.
Most of us parents will say that we love our children we really?? Do you think they believe we love them uncondionally??? As I look at the word unconditionally I think "without limits, NONE." But as I look at my parenting I see limits...some limits are for their safety, health, things necessary...but most of the conditions we set are to make us ease our make our family "look" like a good family.
As we grow up our parents, grandparents, siblings, and other family members, place more and more conditions on us for their love...or at least that what it seems like to me. That if I could just do ... then my parents will be proud of me and love me...If I can be more like they want they would love me...but the reality of it is that these "conditions" that are invisible are weighing us down...they are physically and spiritually weighing us down. As they put conditions on us, we then adopt that condition for our own... 
I let the "conditions" that I grew up with take me back to the place God Himself walked me out of last year. I realized that what Jesus says is true, those in the past cant see out of the past...they cant see me for who God is making me...not until they are ready. If I rush Him, I am setting myself up to not only be hurt...but to hurt someone I love. Which is exactly what happened. I rushed head first into "saving" this person...she wasnt ready.
As He walks me away from this place again, I feel the the peace He alone can give me as I really learn that I cant go home...yet. I'll never give up hope.