This last week I think I have been in a state of confusion...well I will say week because I could honestly go back for my life as long as I can remember anyways & find many, many more times of feeling lost & overwhelmed. But this last week, well I think I may have spent more time crying & feeling sorry for myself, than I have in a while...well maybe not a long while, maybe more like little a bit. I know God has dragged me out of this kind of chaos, kicking & screaming...or sobbing & begging, many times in the past...actually a very recent past. I recognized the signs of me choosing control again & I knew that each of these choices would feed into the chaos in some way. Yet I chose what felt good to me...even in the light of God's prompting His plan, I chose my comfort...again. I started planning my path again. A path that would bring me much worldly satisfaction. Instead of walking hand in hand with Him...I chose to let go & chose to continue on my own.
I honestly thought I was totally prepared for anything that the ruler of this world could throw at me...I had just learned the hard way last time that becoming distracted by the desires of my heart & ignoring the work God's doing in not only me, but those I love...would cause a domino type effect in all our lives...from my Sweet Hubby down the line to my grandprincess...it would bring pain, frustration & distance. Of course I learned from my last choices, but these choices looked different...they were wrapped in new circumstances. So it wasn't what I was looking for, not like last time.
I know one of my biggest sins is control. In my life I have always disguised this sin as anything but a sin...I never wanted to admit I was hiding a sin. The deeper Poppa God walks me into this valley...the more I'm realizing pride is at the core of it. Not like "I'm better than you" type of pride, but more of a "let me do it, I can do it better" kind of pride.
We just moved this past weekend. Of course I'm still moving in. But we got the stuff moved from the old house to the new house.
Change is difficult for me. Usually I resemble a toddler throwing a fit when I find out about a huge change. I lose my filter & forget to taste my words before I spit them out & definitely lose sight of them as God sees them...instead I think about myself & blow up. I get mad, then sad...then I start crying to God about this or that...then completely ignore His prompting to focus on His plan.
In the end I realize I'm only delaying the inevitable...His perfect plan. The doors He's closing lead to doors He's opening...and when God closes a door, He ALWAYS replaces it with a better door.
While it was extremely difficult to get most of a 4 bedroom house packed up and find a home to move to in 30 days, God provided a bigger, better home for my family!!! He moved us near friends & released us from a bondage that I shared over 5 years ago would happen...I am learning that when I hear God whisper...to listen. Do not plug my ears like a toddler throwing a fit because God's plan doesn't match mine. Or when He's asking me for something not to throw a fit & stomp my feet & hold on tighter...my peace comes with letting God have control of the plan...and ALL I have to do is listen to His whispers...step out in faith, DON'T doubt God's whispers...remember Gods plan will always line up with God's word...not the ways of this world...
If I had listened & stood firm in my faith & His gift of discernment...I could've saved a lot of heartache & received the blessings He had for me...like a nice deep soaking tub...I haven't had a tub in about 6 1/2 years...in our new house He did give me that soaking tub & finally tonight I was able to enjoy it.
In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you.
Romans 12:6 NLT