Saturday, December 27, 2014

Life with Nona: How long will it take for this to become a habit??...

Life with Nona: How long will it take for this to become a habit??...: While I was washing the dishes, the ones from Christmas dinner, I was upset & telling myself how I was gonna let my Sweet Hubby have it....

How long will it take for this to become a habit???

While I was washing the dishes, the ones from Christmas dinner, I was upset & telling myself how I was gonna let my Sweet Hubby have it. After all he was the one who said "don't worry about the dishes, I'll do them...thanks for dinner it was really good." But here it is...not the day after Christmas, but the second day after Christmas & the dishes from all 3 days are here. There are definitely not a bunch of dishes, mostly pans that were rinsed...but it's the fact that he didn't do what he said he was going to...even after a hint last night from me, a hint he took & told Jr "we are gonna clean up around here tomorrow..." He started to pick up & then just stopped after stacking my sales ads on the couch next to where I sit??? Then he sat down & 10 mins later got up told me "I'm gonna go lay down, I'm so tired." & walked into our room laid down & went to sleep. I was getting worship music on a Bluetooth speaker Sr let us use on Christmas, so we could enjoy our cleaning with some amazing music...but before I could figure it out, he went to bed. So, I decide to just get it done while he was sleeping. I cranked up the tunes & started cleaning. I clean with no plan, if I pick something up & have to take it somewhere else, I will try to pick something up to bring back where it goes...why waste a trip when I'm doing something that I hate doing right?? The music is what makes this bearable for me. As I was switching between singing & complaining, I was telling myself what I was gonna say to the one God created for me. I was seething & it was building...then I heard the interruption I recognize is my Daddy..."Is that gonna show him the love I show you? Will this make him want to be around you?? You keep asking Me to make you more like me...then complaining when I do it." Which I start to instantly defend, but in His gentle whisper He reminds me,

For even the Son of God didn't come to be served, but to serve, & to give His life as a ransom for many.                          
                                                                                   Mark 10:45 NIV

Man, that got right to me, right to the spot He's working on still in this woman. Yes, I can not say anything, I can just leave it alone. I can just let the guilt trips I learned from birth to take others on, go. Just love. Just be glad & thankful that the one God created just for me, is here with me...that I can hug him, laugh with him, cry in his arms & sleep next to him at night...I can appreciate that he is God's & love him like Christ...unconditionally.

Then I hear my Daddy say, "all I ask is that if you're going to serve me, do it joyfully not with a heart of frustration, but because you want to serve where I ask you to."..."but dishes & cleaning are the worst" I complain again." I don't want to do it, I'm not like other women, I don't want to clean, or like to clean" Then I'm reminded of these...

Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into His presence with singing!
                                                                                                Psalm 100:2 ESV

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,
                                                                       Colossians 3:23 NIV

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, "children of God..."
                                                                                                  Philippians 2:14-15a NIV

I now realize that I'm not just serving my Sweet Hubby & sons, I'm serving my Lord, the One Who came into the world, not in the manner He could have come, as the LORD of LORDS & KING OF as a human baby. The most humbling form. He came to die, He came only to live blameless so He could take my sins, my brokenness & my selfishness...and climb on the cross & give His life, so I could have the choice to accept His gift. A FREE gift for me...all I have to do is say yes.

In saying yes, I don't have to do anything more...I'm redeemed simply for the asking. I'm grateful that He doesn't leave me there, if I say yes...He will keep asking me for more, to give me more. He loves me & as I learn just how much He really loves me, already, without doing anything...I start to want to be more like Him. I want to love unconditionally...I want to give & help the broken, I want to let His light shine in & through me...this is just one more way to let go of the worldly, fleshy, broken part of me & allow Him to mold it into His image...LOVE.

So here I sit, laptop in hand, a little more like my Savior, only by His grace & mercy...telling you one more of my flaws...sharing one more way He is making my reflection match His.

In doing this blog, I checked out how long it takes an action, or behavior to become a habit...the first several said, "21 days" but when I looked a little deeper, I found a study that said "after they did a study for 84 days, the average person developed a habit in approximately 66 days..." I'm praying a new prayer now...that Daddy God will help me make cleaning, dishes & serving others a supernatural habit!!!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from Nona's house to yours......


Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Deeper & Deeper He's taking me...

Sometimes I feel like God takes me one step forward, then I let go of His hand & think I can take the next ones myself...Yep I'm a serial stepper. I beg Him to cleanse my heart, I beg Him to make me more like Him, I beg Him to break my heart for what breaks His...then I sit back & wait for the blessings to start falling...when they don't I take several steps back...& complain.

Hmmmm am I listening to what I'm asking Him for?? No begging Him for??? I'm not asking Him how to grow a garden, or bake a meringue. I am asking Him to show me what hurts Him about who I am...where I let my flesh hide...but remember He tells us...

Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord.                                    Jeremiah 23:24

I've learned in the last several years that Christianity is nothing like what I learned it was growing up. I always believed that I had to always be good...that I had to beg over & over for forgiveness for the sins I had committed. I'm in no way always good, in fact the truth is, I can't be good enough to be forgiven...there's only one way... to pull the flesh parts of me out of the dark hiding place & hand it over...or hold onto it & struggle out of His Will.

 He always gives us the freedom to choose...He doesn't pout & complain. He knows the plan, He is in control...even when I'm trying to hold the reins. I am actually starting to truly recognize when I step back...sometimes I don't take too many steps back, still many times I'm having to run to catch up. I think I have finally figured out that He will always wait with me & carry me to the catch up line...He's that kind of Daddy.

The kind of Daddy that doesn't count the number of steps I take backwards...He is only  taking me where I follow Him. I've learned that this is the very real life definition of follow without asking where, why, or how...just taking each step He lights...when He lights it.

Sometimes it's hard to trust. This world is broken & filled with broken people & I've been hurt by more than a couple of people in my almost half a century here in this world...& I've hurt more than a couple I'm not proud to say. This isn't anything like trying to trust in this world....I'm learning that trusting God is something completely different...He is the ONLY one we should trust without borders, or boundaries....just give Him complete & unquestionable TRUST. Peter had that kind of TRUST when he stepped out of that boat...

 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
                                                                                          Matthew 14:29-30

We can trust Him with complete hearts, minds & bodies because He will NEVER fail us...He will NEVER change...we may change, we may run away instead of towards Him, we may sin...but when we fall, our Daddy God's hand is right there, waiting for us to take it. We only have to reach up in faith & TRUST His hand to be there to pull us out of our pit.

God has pulled this Nona out of some deep, deep pits & I am truly grateful for His faithfulness. Because of His faithfulness I'm learning to know that I can ALWAYS TRUST Him..this makes me want to make Him happy. I have a desire to be more like Him, I want everyone I see to see Him shining brightly in me. I want to be trustworthy & loving & kind. It seems like this is easier sometimes than others...especially when I take my focus off Him & onto struggles in this world. From financial to children's choices, I can lose my focus.

I tell myself every time "look what is taking your peace, blah blah blah"....but when I open myself back up, I realize that's the real issue isn't ANYONE else, it's my heart issue. Then it's like BOOOOM...He trims a little more off & I don't even feel the pain of the loss of more of my worldly flesh...instead I'm thrust into a peace like no other, there's no explaining have to allow yourself to be immersed into this peace. Just allow it to envelope you & become part of your DNA...then if you can just keep the focus.

In these times whether it's a dark, painful place, or a brightly lit exciting & new place, if we can remember that He is our hope, in Him is our hope...we will have peace in His hope.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.             Romans 15:13