Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Deeper & Deeper He's taking me...

Sometimes I feel like God takes me one step forward, then I let go of His hand & think I can take the next ones myself...Yep I'm a serial stepper. I beg Him to cleanse my heart, I beg Him to make me more like Him, I beg Him to break my heart for what breaks His...then I sit back & wait for the blessings to start falling...when they don't I take several steps back...& complain.

Hmmmm am I listening to what I'm asking Him for?? No begging Him for??? I'm not asking Him how to grow a garden, or bake a meringue. I am asking Him to show me what hurts Him about who I am...where I let my flesh hide...but remember He tells us...

Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord.                                    Jeremiah 23:24

I've learned in the last several years that Christianity is nothing like what I learned it was growing up. I always believed that I had to always be good...that I had to beg over & over for forgiveness for the sins I had committed. I'm in no way always good, in fact the truth is, I can't be good enough to be forgiven...there's only one way... to pull the flesh parts of me out of the dark hiding place & hand it over...or hold onto it & struggle out of His Will.

 He always gives us the freedom to choose...He doesn't pout & complain. He knows the plan, He is in control...even when I'm trying to hold the reins. I am actually starting to truly recognize when I step back...sometimes I don't take too many steps back, still many times I'm having to run to catch up. I think I have finally figured out that He will always wait with me & carry me to the catch up line...He's that kind of Daddy.

The kind of Daddy that doesn't count the number of steps I take backwards...He is only  taking me where I follow Him. I've learned that this is the very real life definition of TRUST...to follow without asking where, why, or how...just taking each step He lights...when He lights it.

Sometimes it's hard to trust. This world is broken & filled with broken people & I've been hurt by more than a couple of people in my almost half a century here in this world...& I've hurt more than a couple I'm not proud to say. This isn't anything like trying to trust in this world....I'm learning that trusting God is something completely different...He is the ONLY one we should trust without borders, or boundaries....just give Him complete & unquestionable TRUST. Peter had that kind of TRUST when he stepped out of that boat...

 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
                                                                                          Matthew 14:29-30

We can trust Him with complete hearts, minds & bodies because He will NEVER fail us...He will NEVER change...we may change, we may run away instead of towards Him, we may sin...but when we fall, our Daddy God's hand is right there, waiting for us to take it. We only have to reach up in faith & TRUST His hand to be there to pull us out of our pit.

God has pulled this Nona out of some deep, deep pits & I am truly grateful for His faithfulness. Because of His faithfulness I'm learning to know that I can ALWAYS TRUST Him..this makes me want to make Him happy. I have a desire to be more like Him, I want everyone I see to see Him shining brightly in me. I want to be trustworthy & loving & kind. It seems like this is easier sometimes than others...especially when I take my focus off Him & onto struggles in this world. From financial to children's choices, I can lose my focus.

I tell myself every time "look what is taking your peace, blah blah blah"....but when I open myself back up, I realize that's the real issue isn't ANYONE else, it's my heart issue. Then it's like BOOOOM...He trims a little more off & I don't even feel the pain of the loss of more of my worldly flesh...instead I'm thrust into a peace like no other, there's no explaining it..you have to allow yourself to be immersed into this peace. Just allow it to envelope you & become part of your DNA...then if you can just keep the focus.

In these times whether it's a dark, painful place, or a brightly lit exciting & new place, if we can remember that He is our hope, in Him is our hope...we will have peace in His hope.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.             Romans 15:13