Monday, May 13, 2013

An open apology to little girl.......and my princess...spare the rod, spoil the child???

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.        Psalm 139:13-14

Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
 Proverbs 22:6

Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Proverbs 13:24


Mother's day weekend came & went for 2013, with a very important message from my Father, via my little girl.....but I tried to put a spin on it for my own desires. Little girl came and stayed a few nights with me this past week, leading up to my princess's birthday party & Mother's day. That was wonderful, it has been awhile for since we've had some time to just hang, and we got some of that!!

During our visit on Mother's day, we had the pleasure of having my little girl visit, along with her little girl, my princess. She is 2 now & she's definately in a terrible stage. Little girl is stressed out of course, just like every other mom & dad of a 2 year old. It's been difficult for this Nona to keep my big mouth shut, when it comes to her discipline techniques. She's only in her very early 20's, patience with a 2 year old, is a long way off. Right now she's just praying to make it through these fits of screaming!! Little girl has been diagnosed with fibromalgia this winter. She struggles with IBS, migraines that put her down for the count, and with ignorance of those who either dont believe in fibro, or think she's just too young to have this diagnosis. I give it to God, not only does she know her pain & struggles, but He has known about them since before she was thought of, since the beginning of time. So, my thought is, give it to her Creator, the One Who knit her together in side of me. But, these struggles do get in the way of her everyday life, and they cause her added stress.

But, I have never seen her abuse my princess, she's strict, like I was. My thoughts as I parent are always along the lines of these....teach them to serve others, before themselves....teach them manners, old school real manners, not the pretend to the outside world's face manners of soooo many kids today...I taught them that when you are employed by someone, you work to earn the money they are giving you, not to expect something for nothing like the ways of the world....I taught them to fight for the underdog...be slow to anger, and slow to speak, because they can't get a word in, until I'm done.....I taught them to help whoever they can, whenever they can. Sooooo many things, I learned from my dad, some from my mom, mostly what I learned from her, since I can remember anyways, is it's all about her. Since having our youngest, Jr, I have this new patience, a patience that comes with age, wisdom & eventually God. So little girl & Sr think I spoil Jr., they don't understand, that with each of them, since they are at least 7 years apart, I was a different mom with each of them, depending on my stage in life. Just like Sr says, little girl is spoiled, she got away with everything...and little girl says the same about Jr....and now Jr says the same thing about the grandkids.......But my values & character expectations haven't changed....just my level of patience & my reactions to the fits.

Little girl is a good mommy, she gives my princess a warning, then if my princess doesn't stop, start, or put it back, etc...she gets whatever punishment that little girl deems appropriate for the disobedience. She's not overly harsh, overly powerful in her spankings, she doesn't let the anger get the best of her & hit out of anger!! She simply gives a cause for the discipline, then disciplines, then gives the cause again, and asks if she understands.....of course my princess will cry with a broken heart and run to Nona & yell Nona all the way to me....."Nona help me" over and over....I'm Nona, she's my princess.....this kills me everytime. So I suggest an alternative to corporal punishment, and offer up time outs.....offer to buy the chair, keep one here too, but little girl flatly refuses and tells me "no I'm her mother, and I choose the discipline plan, not you".....so I try to protest & keep explaining that now that I'm older I now understand that time outs work amazing....no she says & then refuses to talk about it. So I back off.

Then last night, today & tonight.....God shares His msg for this post. I think, oh no really, admit I'm wrong in public, where everyone who cares to read my blog will know I'm still stumbling, over & over....but as a Scripture comes & I share it, God reaches out & grabs my focus......research my parenting commands.....how I knit you, how sparing the rod, will spoil the child, and how this is His command. So I did apologize for only seeing the Nona's heart side, not her mommy's heart side. Her desire to bring her up the way God commands us to, entrusts us to.

So, little girl, I apologize for not speaking advice that lines up with God's Word, that is my heart always....you are an amazing mommy, you inspire me to love more, show my love to those I love more openly, more frequently. Your heart to help others, love others & teach my princess, is such a gift!!! I love you my girlfriend, always here for you, never over crowded for you, always have ears to listen & a Bible to share.....praying for you & trusting God's plan for you sweet little girl!!

This Nona knows her boundaries, spare the rod, spoil the child.....