Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Growing closer & closer.....the path to less me, more Him.

So, lately my prayer over & over has been, "God please less me & more You. Please Clean my heart & mind of the trash from this world. Break my heart for what breaks Yours Father!!" I have been asking & asking my Father this for quite awhile. Lately however, I've been praying this with such intensity, it's been more like begging.

I've experienced a whole lot of what I'll call loss over the last several months. Really it's not the death of these people, or things, but for the moment they are being loved from a distance. God has, in some cases, ripped these people out of my life. That's mostly because I tend to keep those people & things I love, held tightly in the palm of my hand/heart. He starts out gently tugging, with His Word & Whispers in my ear. He's such a loving Father, doesn't desire to have to these changes be any harder than they need to be. But, just like my daddy here in this life, He loves me & wants me to be ALL I can, only for His glory instead of mine. He gives me a little at a time, only what He knows I can really handle. He doesn't want to hurt me, He simply wants me to have life abundantly & knows me better than anyone since He created me.

Even though I know this & that He's making me more & more like Him like I've been begging Him to do, it still is hard not to act like a spoiled princess instead of the princess I am as a child of the Most High King. I've been living like a spoiled rotten princess for most of my life & in some areas still struggle to be the daughter He created me to be. I know I'm growing, but like so many of us in this world, I'm wanting a quick, easy & painless fix. That's what we've learned from this world, more about me, less about everyone else. We can have it our way.

Every since I can remember, I've said "I was born late, I should've grown up in the 50's." Mostly because God was still "Politically Correct" then & the values & morals were more what I appreciate. I know, I know kind of an oxymoron. I know with all I am, that God doesn't make mistakes, we are all part of His perfect plan. In Jeremiah 1:5........“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”.....He explains to me, that He's had a plan that includes me & that He set me apart from those of this world & the evil ruler, Satan. The last line however, I've never really memorized......"I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." This really wasn't something I believed was His plan for me......can I just say this statement made me snicker joyously. Like I know what His plan for me is.

You see, this has been the issue with the losses. I've listened to the world's perspective on who, or how, or when to love. I couldn't imagine that the ones He was moving around, or taking out of my life, was what He wanted. I was lining up my answers to the world's views. That was my first mistake, I wasn't using God's Word as my center line. I didn't want to open my hands & give up these people I loved, I wanted to keep them so I didn't hurt their feelings or have to feel the pain of the loss. I found myself listening to others, both believers & non-believers, trying to hold them in my life, instead of listening to God & abiding in Him. Some of the believers told me "you must love them, Jesus tells us to love everyone", where that got confused in my mind is exactly what Satan wanted me to struggle against. Satan wants to take my focus of God, that's his scheme. He wants to cause us to sin, think we are unworthy & that we failed God, so why even try. But this is his lie, not God's promise.

The world tells us if we love someone, we want to be with them always, overlook all they do to us, agree with everything they do, say, are. THIS IS A LIE. God has recently shown me this is a lie. He's used so many wonderful people to share this message with me. I've learned that I'm not failing God  when I love them from where He places them, I am actually doing just as He has planned for me to. This has been a wonderful thing for me actually. I'm learning with each season, to listen to the Holy Spirit & for God's whispers.....quicker & quicker each time. Of course He's the Master Planner & He can see the whole plan, not just this moment.

This has come in a wonderful friend whom He's been moving around my life into different places & has now placed her right in front of my eyes. He spoke sooooo loudly through her recently. He is getting ready to grow me in a way I've never experienced. I'm very excited & I was also a little afraid.....a little in this case meant, all the way to tears in an instant, without any outside reason. I know He is going to SHAKE UP MY WORLD, I don't know what it will look like, I only know, it's gonna be growth like I've never known. I already have the excitement He gives me just before He does a little trimming of me.......trimming more of the fleshy, worldly me away & then He fills me up with more of Him, shapes me more like Him. I just never thought of myself as what I think He's shaping me towards this time!?!?!?

Last night I prayed like always, but this prayer was so much more than I usually ask for. This morning I found this picture. This is what I asked for last night. I felt the unmistakable urge to put my feelings into words again. So I started praying for Him to lead my heart to what I should share. I have so much going on in my life right now. Of course He is faithful in all areas of my life, He is interested in every detail of my life even the smallest detail. Today I found out  from a dear friend/sister in Christ, that she had just signed me up for a women's retreat that she goes to each time. She shared her experience at her first one, by the end of her amazing experience, she knew it was me He was telling her to invite. I could feel this too, the doubts about money, or having to leave my family for a week with just 2 weeks notice, that tried to distract me & cause me to doubt this is God's plan, were immediately wiped away by God's Truth & whispers. I have NO DOUBT this is where He's taking me to grow me, trim more of the world from me, make me more like Him.
After I realized He's taking me on  only the 3rd flight I've ever flown, to places I've never been, with women I've never met, or even ever talked to, the only one He's sending to share this experience He has for me & He's allowing me to share the experience He has for her, is this sister in Christ He's placed in my life......my friend, someone who has always lifted me up, lined up her responses with God's word, prayed for me & with me, someone He's spoken through at very important times, someone who has also been blessed with the gift of Discernment. The difference is she's farther on her walk, she's learned that this is not "her" gift, but a gift God uses for His glory through her to reach His children & share His message. This is exactly where I've struggled.
What He's got for me I don't know. I do know, whatever He teaches me, where ever He takes me, it'll always be to bring me closer to Him & make me more like Him......More than that, it'll bring glory to Him.
After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.
Acts 4:31