Wow, it seems to have been quite awhile since my last blog post. Sorry, I've been locking myself away...letting the enemy try to fill my entire being, heart & all with so many different doubts. Finally, I turned & walked away. I've had enough of the solitude, sadness & fears. Praise God all I have to do is turn back to Him & away from the evil, hateful enemy. So, during this post, I can tell that God's gonna share some pretty painful truths. I wouldn't be able to let go unless He sets it in front of the world, including me & shows the flaws in the enemy's plan. Though this is painful, I've learned that even though God has given us the freedom of choice, He doesn't give us the ability to choose what the consequences will be...no that is not up to me...
For the last several months my hubby has been out of work. The wonderful union he is a member of, doesn't have any work for not only him, but he's #100+ on a list of over 500...so there are a lot of hardworking men & women out of work. We have struggled through this many other times. Not this long usually, but what does it matter how long?? Does God's grace expire?? No it never expires. He promises to cover us with His grace, if we accept His free gift of Salvation. What a trade, I'm thinking I get the best of this agreement. It's a win, win for me...of course my definition of a win may be different than His, or even yours for that matter.
In March I attended an Encounter God Retreat in a town near me. I knew God had something big for me...then He led my little girl to go with us. She did, saying that she'd go the first day, but probably not the second day. So I agreed, I figured "one day is better than none, God doesn't need a specific amount of time to move in our lives. He only needs us to listen for His whispers, or even loud shrieks, depending on which His plan calls for. I had NO idea what this retreat would hold for either of us, I just knew God was gonna move mightily & purposely. I knew that I could feel Him urging me, pulling me, not letting me make any excuse to get out of going....so I agreed, I gave in & said "okay I'm going....COME ON!!!"
Of course I was not disappointed. I never have been since I started saying yes to some pretty unbelievable plans. He welcomed us into this small church with the open arms & a real love, from His children. From the first moment, I could feel the difference. The electricity in the air was a big hint for me. Little girl, had no idea what to expect...she let herself go, she just melted into God's plan for her. He planned to take both of us to a level of grace that neither of us was expecting, nor had we ever felt this peace He was surrounding us with.
His plan for this encounter was to break off the spirit of rejection in some pretty intense areas. Of course He does it so gently it doesn't feel like something is breaking off. It feels like a new found freedom. Everytime I let go of a painful part of my heart & mind, I get a newer version of freedom. Though each time it seems like I have to fight it, over & over. Then I just hand it all over to Him freely....& here comes the new found freedom, just in a new area of me.
Not only did the breaking of my spirit of rejection affect me...but it trickled down to my sweet little girl. All the pain, the seeds of rejection, hurt & tears I, her mom, have caused over the years to now, I got to be there & ask for her forgiveness!! Wow, that is a gift I've never experienced in my life. True forgiveness from someone I harmed....the vicious cycle of abuse that has went around & around for generations, could finally be broken. God could take the hurt, tears, unhappiness, unforgiveness & rejection out of our open palms & willing hearts, & He could replace it all with His grace, His unexplainable peace...He kept His promise...like He always does.
Little girl ended up going to both days. She left there a happier woman, ready to get back on the path God has for her...that is always my prayer, that my children will be what God wants them to be. Especially walking in the undeserved grace He offers to even a wretch like me...He will never reject us. His perfect grace never expires, we just have to accept it & believe it.
God bless you all...